Thursday, January 19, 2006

My Self-Righteous Essay To My Beloved Brothers

Haven't been blogging for a while already. "A while" > 2 months. Kinda sianz of blogging because there's honestly nothing in my life to talk about. Well, perhaps besides her. And I'm NOT going to share our experiences with you. You, yes you, the reader. The one most probably with the ultra thick specs, slouching on the chair and reading this blog with beady eyes wondering what on earth you did to offend me. Well, if you're waiting to enter a DotA or GB room, or resting your Maplestory character on a bench in Henessy, then it's time for you to press Alt-Enter. Even I think doing so is more interesting than reading this. What's going to be written below is for geniuses with extreme levels of intellect (upper band) or really retarded goons also equipped with extreme levels of intellect (lower band).

Still reading? Well, suit yourself. You must be really bored. It's a family thingy ya know...

I have been spending the last 3 hours reading my brothers' blogs. Andrew's especially, because it's so long. I guess Nick's is at a standstill because he's got
more access to Maplestory now. Told ya Mapling was more fun.


My Essay:
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It seems that Andrew you really hates your brothers! That includes me. Most of the blame (and weight) however, you shoulder on poor Nick. Nick already has a history of torn ligaments in his legs, and the burden of guilt should be taken away I say. Not nice for him to lend up with crutches. And even if he makes you angry, no need to change the computer password! It affects me too you know. All I wanna do is Maple! Further more, you have to blog all your unhappiness so that the whole darn universe sees your "traumas" through your one-sided perspective and take up the opinion that myself and Nick are biase against you. If you hate backstabbers so much, don't backstab in the first place! Nobody fights for the computer when you're home. But isn't it unreasonable to lock it up when you're out? So many of my friends are telling me to be nice to you and give in to you more often. Apparently a good number of my friends who read your blog are in the clouded opinion that I am a tyrant towards you at home, always bullying you and making you feel small and useless. When did I NOT give in to you? Why don't you ask yourself that? When you were younger, you scolded Mum for generalizing. Now, you do it yourself! Do I humiliate you and look down on you? Do you think I'm that evil and unsupportive? Can you remember who sings your praises in front of Mum, Dad and their friends? "He's a top student in Singapore Poly. Going to do a double diploma. Told you going Poly was better than JC... Was also a choir leader over 300 people before, even leading them to their greatest ever achievement! Has more leadership opportunities than myself even. Definitely someone with better fashion sense than me. Has a gift for the keyboard too. With my theory skills, I think we can beat Jeremiah even!" Familiar? Ask around if you don't believe!

Now Nick, you give me the feeling that you're pretty suicidal too. Over a girl. Where is the masculiness in that? No point getting so emotional for so long. It's been quite a while since that big breakup so pull yourself together and get to studying okay? No need to let your emotions flow into the rest of the family. Mum and Andrew seem to easily get affected by negative moods, and you have a knack of bringing it right into their faces. When Mum gets pissed, Dad will get pissed too, and soon the whole family will be pissed. Well, except me that is. But I really don't like standing knee deep in urine you know. That's why I'll go to the bed with a good book. Den you just have to spoil it all by climbing in with me and giving me the sinking feeling. I really don't like being punched 24/7 just because you feel like it. I'm not your personal punching bag. If I had Yaosheng's black belt takewando skills (AND his temper), I'll sock you in the gut until you get a waist line like Fiona Xie after uZAP. *Hong-Kee Tone* "Be a man! Do the right thing!" Go study and make Daddy and Mummy proud. You've got an elephant's memory so make full use of it. Get rid of that ego and be more participative during athletics training. Get your six pack and massive chest. (Note chest, not breasts) I know you can do it. Don't have to be like me and wait till army before you lose that fat. Play less computer la... Pretend to study also good. At least Mum won't nag lorz...

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This is my self-righteous letter to my brothers. A little emotional and arrogant, but definitely frank and straight from the heart. (That's why so many girls unwittingly fall for me. Ever watched Braveheart?) Hopefully you guys get to read it in time. Chances are you won't even visit my blog because I don't blog often anyway. Well, I'm going to behave like nothing's change. I still want to please Mum and Dad, so I'll still wash the dishes, hang the clothes, pack the house and study like crazy when they are not in. I'm still going to be the best son, best student, best boyfriend, best officer and best brother that I can be. Maybe you'll see it when you grow older. Or maybe you gotta go army first. By that time I will have my own laptop already. Be nicer to each other and don't fight. I don't enjoy my job as a peacemaker, and to top it off, people thinking that I'm otherwise. It kinda makes my job unrewarding. I'm not Mum or Dad okay. I won't love you both like a father will continue loving his prodigal sons. (Well, that's because ya both ain't my children, duh!)

Believe it or not, they were hugely disappointed in you two. They would be now if I don't continue keeping the spirits of the family up as much as I can with my God-blessed sense of humor and "forever smiling" face. Question yourselves to see how often you have made them happy, talked with them without arguing, and listened to their problems so that they would feel better.

And you, yes you the reader. The one most probably with the ultra thick specs, slouching on the chair and reading this blog with beady eyes wondering what on earth you did to offend me. Ask yourselves if you've done anything in your lifetime to make your parents happy. Don't question whether they deserved it or not. God never questioned Himself before sending His Son down to die for your sins. If He did, you'll be living in a life of hopelessness. And I won't be blaming you for that.