Sometimes, I find myself thanking God for the littlest/strangest things that most people, I believe, don't really write about.
I thank God that Singapore is somewhere in the equator, and that despite the unbearable weather, the location makes me feel "central". New Zealand might be beautiful, but when I'm there, I feel like the world's forgotten me.
I thank God for chocolates, even thought I don't eat them. But I like that they make people happier.
I thank God for riffs, motifs and patterns in music, because they make me feel like bobbing my head and dancing. It gives music that reliable repetition in a framework that allows for magical improvisation.
I thank God for those long, sometimes terrible moments of loneliness, because even if all I'm doing is just complain and complain to Him, at least I'm talking to Him about it.
I thank God for that little lag time when I'm opening an Excel or Word document, or when I'm waiting for a web page to load. Some of those few seconds have caused me to make life-changing decisions, like not flaming an irresponsible remark online or closing the page before something immoral appears.
I thank God that my family does not have the money so that I can afford me an iPhone, sports channel, an X-box or a Playstation. There have been times when I'm so bored to death at home that I'd actually open my textbooks to study or my company email to finish up work. During the school holidays, I'd actually write out my unreal fantasies or attempt to work out a romance novel.
I thank God that most of my friends think that I'm probably too busy and/or too popular to go out with them. It has brought cause for free occasions for me to blog reflectively, to do housework, have dinners with my family (very often), read my Bible more thoroughly or work out at the gym.
I thank God that for that extremely cynical side of me, even if I don't like it very much. It has provided much balance in a personality very much inclined to positive leadership during crisis so that I make decisions informed with more than just viewpoints from one perspective.
And finally, I thank God my taste buds are really simple, and that the world hasn't reached a stage where we were charged according to the amount of satisfaction that we received from buying goods. Tofu, curry chicken, sparkling juice, steamed bao or anything from the mixed rice store would become terribly expensive.
My red bean bun would cost $15 dollars, and caviar 20 cents.
Oh, let me be the first to know when you're craving for a red bean bun again.
No one but a fool would measure their satisfaction by what the world thinks of it. -Oliver Goldsmith
When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. -David (Psalms 104:8)
One of the biggest plus-points about working in the PR industry is that one becomes highly aware of international and local issues, especially regarding the specific industry that one's client companies are interested in. Nonetheless, there's always those outstanding articles that continue to catch one's eye.
A particular topic that have caught my eye: "More marrying foreigners" [link] "Imported brides popular" [link]
In response to that, a slightly angsty journalist/columnist/editor wrote a half-page article on this issue. From the tone of the article, there is no doubt that the writer is a local female who is obviously unhappy about why increasingly more (and yes, younger!) Singaporean men are going for foreign brides. (Sadly, I am unable to find the time to fish out the article and clip it, but it is not going to stop me from blogging about this)
Let me extremely blunt and logical about this matter as I attempt to defend these men. At the same time, I shall endeavor to be as impartial and objective as possible.
Firstly, we are not talking about arranged marriages. Contemporary marriage now requires the consent of two partners, and this has become a matter-of-fact that to argue against it is equivalent to screaming aloud one's allegiance to the culture of a barbaric civilization. But if we break down this "matter-of-fact", we begin to understand that marriage has delved into the realm of personal choice from a stage where it was a huge political issue involving families or villages. In other words, marriage has dwindled down to basically a matter involving two consumers. But local women who are unhappy about this entire matter forget one thing:
THE MEN HAVE A CHOICE TOO.
It's simple. Gender relations, at the lowest levels, is a matter of economic principle. Understanding demand and supply requires less than a PSLE certificate. In this case, local females are a close parallel to a company who sells products that provide low satisfaction but come at a high price.
Before the local women begin screaming for my head, let us evaluate unscrupulously and unemotionally the benefits to a man if he marries a local woman:
1. Clear communication (cultural understanding and positive information/language exchange) 2. Monetary benefits (only if there's an agreement to pool resources) 3. Positive upbringing of children (only if she spends time interacting with them)
That's just about all the solid points I can think of. (The columnist strongly emphasized point 1, I racked my brains for point 2 and 3, but had to add clauses behind them) Let me bring it down to earth: clear communication is more a matter of willingness to try and less a matter of cultural similarities. If one however, is referring to higher level communication e.g. witty remarks, a closer look will enlighten one to the fact that such language and cultural nuances are, very often, a class issue. Only members of the upper-class tend to place such huge importance to cultural signals such as these.
Now let us see what the benefits are if a local man chooses a foreign bride: 1. Customization: He can decide to pick one with the figure of a porn star and a face of a goddess. 2. Low maintenance: Foreign brides will not ask for branded goods, spa-related holidays and a big house. Because of that (and better still) they are easier to impress. And there's no need to spend a ton on a candlelight dinner to have a 50-50 chance at having sex. 3. Control: Foreign brides come from mainly patriarchal countries and expect the man to be in-charge. And men here have largely been domesticated to treat women equally, but guess who benefits in the end!
There are quite a number more, albeit debatable points, so they won't be listed here. Now let us deal with the criticism of foreign brides:
1. Money suckers: People feel that foreign brides are out to cheat a man of his money, and it is no surprise that the biggest proponents of this point are local women. But then again, who ever said that local women are not money suckers too? Isn't "high maintenance", a commonly used term to describe local women, a direct equivalent? 2. Communication/Educational barriers: Yes, foreign women can't speak Singlish. So what? Given that a huge portion come from mainland China (some university graduates too), their Chinese is even more fluent than locals. And to say that they are not as intelligent is simply inhumane. I shall not comment on such a unthoughtful, biased statement. By the way, I do recall which group is constantly screaming to the men, "You just don't understand us!" Well, foreign brides apparently show a huge willingness to try. 3. Lack of loyalty: News goes around that foreign brides are not loyal, that marriage is simply one of their scams to gain citizenship into a richer country. Again, this is a huge myth. Foreign women are, if I may endeavor to say, even sharper when it comes to noticing economic differences as well as tactical in calculating their losses before risking an affair with a richer, more good-looking local playboy. No, they are not so stupid to fall in love with a construction worker just because he's from the same country.
So let's not overestimate importance of "chemistry". After all, it is still a Victorian principle born out of the upper-class and propagated by Hollywood. It is also helpful to note that the very men that form this group of "increasing numbers of younger local men who go for foreign brides" are low-income, low-educated males who cannot afford to date a trophy wife, yet still cling on to a traditional burden to extend the family line. Even their counterparts i.e low-educated females, are unavailable to them, a product of a generation that has wild dreams to strike it big by marrying a rich man regardless of background. How do we explain then, the (increasing commonplace) female self-expectation of looking beautiful and dating the rich men if possible? Doesn't anyone find it strange that increasingly all the best-selling, romantic dramas from prospering nations in Asia involve love affairs with rich men e.g. Love (Taiwan), F4 (Taiwan, Japan, South Korea) etc.? I don't even want to go into Western ones! And I don't buy the notion that local women only WATCH these stuff but go for men with average incomes. It's the same on our side, men addicted to pornography actually dream of being part of the action.
Yes, the feminists can blame the patriarchal nature of society, and yes, they would have a point. But then seriously, I'd like to see the feminist groups do something productive without hurting any members of their own gender groups in the long term. If they can't, they can jolly well remain single or lesbian, and not complain about this issue.
Low-educated, low-income males have needs and desires to be fulfilled to. And as much as they don't blame local women for being drawn to economically powerful men, let's be fair and not blame them for being calculative when it comes to picking a wife. They don't need a trophy wife, witty conversation, and a proper example for their children. That will only mean high maintenance, when they do have their beer buddies, and live in a society with increasingly cheaper childcare services and well-paid teachers. They seek respect, sexual fulfillment, and a smiling face when they come home from work.
Globalization has made that alternative available with the law of supply and demand. They want a certain type of women which cannot be found locally, and foreign women are more willing to fit that mold.
And everyday, local women, rich or poor, see themselves in a more and more difficult position. The beautiful ones still stand a chance to get themselves impregnated by a rich guy (wa man tin, wa man tin) and the rich ones can still choose the "angmoh", but do note that even that number is, and has always been, limited. Furthermore, the government, with a stand widely known as economic pragmatism, is unlikely to put a stop to this flow, and might even encourage it if it's proven to bring more children.
Don't ask me how to solve it. I don't know. I won't like to be in your position anyhow. I'm just a low-income, average-educated male. But for me, society dictates that I still have a choice.
Local women have a choice too. Then again, when was contemporary marriage ever just one partner's choice?
Maybe, just maybe, local women don't really have a choice anymore.
Fervor is the weapon of choice of the impotent. -Frantz Fanon
I'm terribly sorry for making you feel like that. You are everything a hot-blooded male could wish for, but I'm not ready for a relationship now. Two years is a long time, and although I understand that it took you a lot of courage to come out from your shell, I haven't emerged from the mess of my own.
You told me that you are willing to do anything to make me happy, and you implied that you would change yourself into any woman that I desired. Additionally, as a friend Matt wanted the very best for me, for he did know that I was going through a period of loneliness in my life which, as you would know very well too, can be a torture to bear. In his zeal he tried to arrange things between us in a manner that any best friend would. But this is a trial which God has placed in my life, and there are certain principles which I cannot and will not break.
I have to admit that your confidence in a relationship with me is admirable. No, I'm no playboy, but there isn't anyone out there with the same sort of confidence, save for my mother. There were moments in my life when I believed so strongly in my own capacity to make the woman I love happy too, but this confidence has been worn away from the failed relationships in my own life, and I learned the very hard way to build them instead on Christ my Rock.
I've never rejected anyone in my life, at least not directly, and safe to say, none as beautiful as you are. Forgive me if this moment feels like a nightmare, given your qualities this rejection must be nearly impossible to swallow. After all, you have so many suitors that turning down offers for dates has nearly became tiring. Honestly, I've been trying very hard not to lead you on, but I would be a blind man to not see that you've had feelings for me for quite some time already. So tonight, I've made the painful decision to hurt you now rather than later. I would be lying to say that doing so hurts me as much as it hurts you, for there are few people in the world who are as familiar with, and fear the sorrow of rejection as much as myself.
Once again, I apologize for leading you on, if you ever felt so. I trust that you must have already felt quite strange given that most normal men would have leaped into action much earlier given the parade of subtle body language and verbal keys you have taken so much care in selecting to display. With regards to my self-control, it has been nothing less than divine intervention, especially around someone as attractive as you. But it does have to stop somewhere and somehow, before temptation seizes control of my actions.
These tears would eventually have to fall one day, but I wish I could show you a glimpse of the future to know that these tears are worth it in exchange for the tears of happiness I'm sure you will shed on your wedding day. You deserve a man who will love you enough to buy you the entire world if he could, and whom you would be more than willing to do anything to make him smile. I'm positive that for you, this day will come, and soon. Of even greater assurance, I dare say that if you could see for yourself the man God has prepared in advance specially for you, tonight will hold no regrets, for in every detail and feature he would be greater and more noble than I.
And if I may, I would like to introduce you one day to this God, this best friend of mine. He's been watching you ever since He created you with His own hands, and He's been eagerly looking forward to the day when you will come to know Him the way He'd love you to.
I'll be arranging the meeting soon. For now, just know and remember that He has the very best in store for you, and rest your hopes on that promise, for no one, and I say again, no one, loves you more than He does. +)
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalms 139:13
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28