-

Saw a picture of you today.  You look so thin, so frail, so... helpless.

It took me whatever remaining willpower that I had left from the day to just pull my eyes away from the photo.  How I long to hold you in my arms, to shield you from the world, to assure you softly that everything will be alright...

Then I realize, after so long, you're still haunting me.  And I have only myself to blame.  Swamping myself with work to drown out that inner voice within me ever gently coaxing me to let go, let go.

Let go.  Oh me, please let go.

Hey There Lonely Girl

Hey there lonely girl, lonely girl
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh, my lonely girl, lonely girl
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you

Ever since he broke your heart you seem so lost
Each time you pass my way
How I long to take your hand
And say don't cry, I'll kiss your tears away

Hey there lonely girl, lonely girl
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh my lonely girl, lonely girl
don't you know this lonely boy loves you

You think that only his two lips can kiss your lips
And make your heart stand still
But once you're in my arms you'll see
No one can kiss your lips the way I will

Hey there lonely girl, lonely girl
Let me make your broken heart like new
Oh, my lonely girl, lonely girl
Don't you know this lonely girl loves you
Oh my lonely girl, lonely girl
Don't you know this lonely boy loves you

-

Happy birthday... to me. +)

Where the Streets Have No Name

I would like to dance
Where the streets have no names
Where the band never sleeps
And their voices complete
The aroma of morning dew oh so sweet

A world with no distractions
No noises, no contagions
No wars and whatnots with their joy-draining conceptions
Every corner a French bakery
A candy store, an old jukebox
And a sofa with a pot
of hot, lovely Chinese tea!

Everyone a potential lover
No lust for no race
Much less for one's gender
Just the remnants of mankind's once familiar desire
From a time when passion
Governed our senses
Was it only yesterday?
When we could tell apart, camaraderies
And our deepest, secret intimacies.

I would like to dance
Where the streets have no names

Better to Be Lonely Than To Ever Loved

Just for one moment in the dark, I felt loved again. By another vulnerable creature, who gave everything she had. But as quickly as she came, she was gone.

I spent the rest of the night relieving an ancient pain, one that sears not only the body but whose destruction rips opens one's soul, leaving it bare for decomposition. It did not matter that I had an entire king-sized bed to myself; on the contrary, it made the emptiness deeper. Time crawled by, and finally sunlight pierced through the hotel's curtains, dividing the blackness and separating the night.

I swore that glass promise to myself once again, never to let myself fall in love. No, not even for a brief moment.

For they will all leave, taking with them fragments of one's heart as a woman grabs her diamonds whilst fleeing an approaching tsunami.

And the waves will not cleanse the pain, but instead leave behind a trail of devastation beyond one's God-given capacity to contain.


I have locked up my heart in a Swiss bank account and burnt the logs. What remains to be done is to hum a melancholic ballad tune and fling the keys into the silence from the peak of the ice-crowned, snow-bleeding Matterhorn.

Househusband

I find it extremely strange that it is in such a prestigious institution which hires so many of Singapore's smartest people where I actually find so many male colleagues who want to be... househusbands.

Weird, this "gender equality" thing. Well, I have much to thank God for. He's answered so many of my prayers (even though most of them are technically wishes and not prayers). I just pray that my busy traveling schedule and long working hours will not take away the time spent with Him.

Onwards to greater things!

Midnight Quarrel, No Thanks to Love

Was distributing flyers around the neighborhood when I overheard a man and a woman quarreling downstairs near the letter boxes where I was at.

Despite the limitations to my proficiency in Chinese dialects, I could tell it was a quarrel between husband and wife about money. Think the lady was involved in drugs and/or gambling, and was borrowing money to feed her addiction, only to have an affair with one of the men who has been lending her money and buying her dresses (from those red plastic bag, thrift stores too). Apparently, her husband has been working quite hard, and given his dressing and language, did not seem to be highly educated.

As I watched him pushed her around, shouting at the top of his voice past the midnight hour, I couldn't help but feel my heart sinking as I tried to speed up the pace on my own job. With her stoically remaining silent, it wasn't too long before he started pushing her around, until she fell to the floor quite hard. Not surprisingly, the police came within a few minutes, and the man was given a stern warning whereas the lady disappeared.

Although in no way do I advocate violence towards women, I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. Here he is, working his guts out and giving his wife money, and there she is spending it away and going for another guy.

Of course, I don't have all the details. I only write what I hear. But its little excerpts like this in my life that make me feel contemporary romantic love is so complicated, it might be an experience I should avoid. Just to save me all the heartache.

I used to think that I will never find a woman who could love me.

Now I don't think I will ever find a woman I could love that much.