Salsa!

This whole week has been filled with so much wacky stuff! Because of it, the days seem longer, more enjoyable, more tiring, but overall it has been one wonderful experience after another.

I just finished my 3rd salsa class, and if there is something I have to agree with Professor Tong, it is that I learn more about men, women and gender differences from this dance than an entire module of gender studies. It's an amazing dance! It's also nice to see that I'm not as psycho-motor as I thought I was, haha! Although it's sad that most of the ladies in the class are either 30+ years old or undergraduates from overseas colleges in Singapore just back for the holidays, it has been pretty interesting to analyze each and every lady's personality simply by dancing alone.

Most of the 30+ year old ladies are single, and for good reason! They are always correcting me on my moves and taking the initiative to spin or cross without me giving any signal whatsoever. No wonder they are still single! Most men would like to have some control over the relationship, but when the woman usurps control when God ordained the male to be in-charge, things get messy. I might sound heavily patriarchal, and I thought so myself, until I went to Union Square for a peek at the pros shake their booty.

At Union Square, where some of the best dancers sway away almost nightly, I notice that the women who give themselves to the complete control of men looked the most beautiful. Salsa isn't a dance where the man controls the woman like a robot. On the contrary, if the man is a good lead, the woman has plenty of comfort and space to shine and shimmer! However, if she decides to take matters into her own hands, even if the guy was the best male lead in the world, he won't be able to help both of them to shine.

Interesting huh? It's the closest example that I have to a real male-female relationship so far, and it works almost perfectly. Chemistry, sizzling eye-contact, body contact and pressure, all mix into a concoction that can only be described as devastatingly shattering social boundaries, yet in complete unison and accordance to the ideal partnership.


Salsa. Beautiful.





Anyway, I just broke the 70kg barrier on Tuesday night, recording a 69.9kg after a night run. Enough is enough, I need to bulk up now. And that isn't much of a problem. In just two days, I've shifted my weight back to 72.4kg, which leaves me at the ideal BMI of 23. Now to get rid of the scrawny figure and muscle up while maintaining the current fat levels.




Tomorrow will be an exciting day. Sentosa with Nick to suntan, gym in the afternoon to work on the chest and shoulders, dinner with the Shalala people. Ice wine anyone? +)






It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. -Bette Midler

Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. -God (Jer 31:13)

Public Enemies

Was a great movie. Amazing. Totally brought out the romantic in me.

Tried searching for some of the most memorable quotes in the movie, but couldn't find it. I loved the part when John (the notorious bank robber) brought Billie (the hot American-Indian babe he picked up at a club) to an expensive restaurant. Inside, she looks really uneasy, and John asks if she is okay.

Billie: Can't you see that everyone's staring at me?
John: Why not? You're the most beautiful person in the room by far.
Billie: It's not that. Everyone here can tell when a woman walks in wearing a three-dollar dress.
(John looks around nonchalantly, camera picks up women looking at Billie)
John: Well, the people who come here look at where you come from. I, however, look at where you're going.
(John stands up, grabs Billie's hand, and saunters out of the restaurant)
John: Let's go some place where they'll appreciate our money.

Damn cool la. In one minute, John insults the entire elite class of Chicago. And boy, she didn't disappoint him. When he tells her that he'll be there for her, she believes him with every fiber of her being, even when in jail.

Can't blame her too. Who can resist the charms of a super confident gentleman with such an exciting, thrilling and rewarding job? And he bought her a mink coat to dress her up to the level way above the women who looked down on her at the restaurant.


When the whole world is hurt by empty promises, I wonder if I'll ever find a woman who'll take my word for it when I say that I'll be there. When the whole world wants to go to heaven, I wonder if any girl will find a man who says he rather set up a shop five feet from hell to rob the pit of its inhabitants and send them to heaven "exciting". When the whole world admires a man who'll buy expensive mink coats for his woman, I wonder if any girl will appreciate having the only jacket on my back around her shoulders. For now.
















I'm a bank robber. I like baseball, movies, good clothes, fast cars... and you. What else you need to know? -John Dillinger

I'm a hell robber. I like basketball, movies, good clothes, fast trains... and you. What else you need to know? -Valentino Casanova

Of Articulations, Blading, Cable-Skiing & DotA

Today was an awesome day! Woke up early to meet buddy Richard at his place to learn how to roller blade. The weather looked deceivingly gorgeous for a day out along the beach. Sadly, the morning rain ensured that I could only get most of my experience in the carpark under his condo. But I must say, I did manage to learn how to blade straight, though not for more than 10 seconds. =P After we got bored, we adjourned for DotA games with Terry, and of course, lunch upstairs.

When the rain stopped, we went cable skiing. Another awesome activity! Only we were too ambitious, attempting to use the wakeboard immediately without going through the kneeboard and double skis. Initially, there were quite a few people queuing, and we had to wait quite long. Then the rain came again. I stared at the sky, wondering if God was telling me that I should be helping out Crusade with matriculation instead of fooling around at ECP. Thankfully, the rain stopped and by that time, most of the people had left, so we had the time of our life taking multiple turns with no queue! Good value for money if you asked me. Sadly, I couldn't go much further than the turn just before the long stretch. At least Richard made it for a good 50m before falling into the water.

After the sun had gone down, we had the famous wanton noodles topped with BBQ chicken wings at the ECP food center. Delicious! Plus we got to have an intimate conversation with quite a good number of pretty girls to look at. Not much can be divulged here, besides thoughts on John Bevere's video, God, honor's rewards and relationships. It was a great bonding session. Definitely going to find some time to borrow Richard's blades and get the basics right once and for all.



It's amazing how God helps maintain friendships, and how brothers can strengthen one another with testimonies and straightforward, honest conversations. Well, more wacky activities completed! +)





Friendships that have stood the test of time and chance are surely best. Brows may wrinkle, hair grow grey, friendship never knows decay. -Anonymous

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. -Solomon (Prov 27:9)

Anger vs. Abs, Vanity vs. Vegetables

Many people have asked me before, "Is anger towards God wrong?"

To be honest, my answers have changed as I grow up. When I was younger and my walk with God was immature and inexperienced, God was always a fearsome figure. Any contemplation about anger towards God was immediately perceived as an act too daring, as if I were to go up to my own dad and shout vulgarities at him.

As I grew older, God placed various obstacles and events in my way so as to get to know Him better, I realized that anger against God was only alright, it was necessary as part of a relationship. The idea of a relationship between Jesus and the Church is symbolized by the relationship of husband and wife, and anger in relationship is unavoidable. However, it is necessary risk to bond the couple closer in a deeper understanding of one another.

Today, I learned something else. Whether anger against God is right or wrong, must be analyzed depending on situation.

I pride myself on not being able to get angry. Growing up with two extremely lovable but often horrible siblings definitely comes with more than ample amounts of opportunities to exercise tolerance. It's not that anger doesn't come, it just doesn't show, and that's what I take pride in. After awhile, it tends to subside, often happening when I've convinced myself that nothing can be done about it, or found a way to work around it instead.

However, anger can come in the weirdest manners. During main service worship practice today, the sound system kept tripping like crazy, cutting off the sound from the monitors that I needed to hear. Annabelle's voice was oscillating between loud and soft, and regardless of how I strummed, her voice just didn't sound as... as beautiful as I had always known it to be.

As irritation grew among the music team, Thiam Kwee called for a short sharing session instead, just so that we can get a rein on our emotions and put an end to the constantly degrading music quality. I was more of less fine, till that happened. It didn't help that it was also during then that my three-day long toothache decided to go full-blown. My facial muscles didn't give away much, I was still smiling and agreeable with everyone. But my mind was going berserk inside. Anger was overwhelming. Someone in the band was probably leading a less-than-righteous life, so much so that God was allowing this error to happen.

The most outragrous reasons were running amok in my head: Maybe it was Ilango because of our lack of faith in God to provide a woman for us who was not money-minded. Maybe it was Serene or Faith because they never seem to sing loud enough. Maybe it was Nick because he always behaves like a disrespectful slob, slouching on the chair while playing the bass. Maybe it was Thiam Kwee because for such a big problem to occur, the worship team coordinator must be screwing up his life. Or maybe it was Kok Poh, because he's always so busy with work. Or maybe it was Karen because since she was from another church, so she has no incentive to really perform with all her heart.

When the sharing session was over, that was when God nudged me.

"When the music gets bad, why do you let anger stop you from worshipping Me?"

So there was a lesson to be learnt from this horrible technical fault. And it was for me. I don't know about anyone else, but God was looking at my heart. I realized I have adopted the only trait that I detested about my mentor Jeremiah. Letting musical faults irritate me so that I cannot worship. Anger had blinded me to the spiritual aspects of the worship. Pride in my guitar playing has led me to focus on the unimportant details.

Ironically, in my happiness over the end of my internship, I had forgot to pray the items on the agenda for revival for the church. As I reached home, I looked back at the Friday item. Guess what I saw.



A prayer request against letting anger take root in our hearts.





On a brighter note, my weight has hit the extreme lowest point for the past 12 years. The last time I was 70.1 kg was in Secondary 1. This puts my BMI at 22.4, which means for the first time ever in my life, I am more underweight than overweight, if I use the government's yardstick of 23 as the optimal weight. It could be possible that I might break the 70kg barrier if I keep up my cutting phase, and just for the fun of it, I think I'll give it a go. For now, I'm very happy that God has allowed me to hit my target of getting my six/eight pack at the end of my internship! It would have been perfect timing (at least I think so) if the beach holiday to Phuket had gone ahead. Sigh. Oh well.

The strange thing now is that I can go for a huge buffet and lose weight the next day. Yet, I can eat salad for a meal and gain an entire kilo. Oh yes, I'm learning to eat vegetables too! I thought I'd start on it next year, but sometimes God puts these little surprises when you least expect them. Even more shocking is that this change in eating regime began with the vegetable dish that I thought I'd never get use to: salad, because of it's horribly raw, green taste. But I never knew that with light mayonaise (and better still, honey mustard!!), salad is actually appetizing! Went to a pretty nice restaurant for lunch with Nick today, and I took more vegetables than him, the bulk being coleslaw. It was pretty delicious, until the gravvy from the potato salad just mixed in and became a strange tasting concortion that was not too pleasing to the tastebuds. But vegetables!! Finally, one step closer to obedience towards my parents, who have been nagging me to eat vegetables my whole life. Oh, and my ex-girlfriends and the girl who had come close to sharing a relationship with me.


Now that my internship's pay had come in, I've decided to spend the last two weeks doing the weirdest, wackiest stuff that I won't be able to do when school begins, be it due to financial poverty or lack of time or the need to protect my reputation.

Friday 24 July: Patronized Fabulous Tan to wax my upper legs (Boy, it hurt!)
Saturday 25 July: Try a sirloin steak prepared "rare" (Courtesy of Nicholas)
Sunday 26 July: Play L4D at a lanshop and purposely scream SO loud to scare the secondary school boy next to me
Monday 27 July: Cable skiing @ ECP + Learn to Rollerblade (hopefully Richard will be free!)
Tuesday 28 July: Ice-skating after helping out Crusade at Matriculation!
Wednesday 29 July: Make a fashion statement by dressing like an absolute punk that got teleported from Harajuku to Orchard Road (don't worry I'll be wearing shades)
Thursday 30 July: Go to Union Square and try Salsa-ing!
Friday 31 July: Act drunk and attempt the Moonwalk at a KTV bar after a glass of orange juice while friends belt out any of the King of Pop's songs

Some of these are kinda boring, so the list is liable to change. But anyway, spontaneity is so fun! If anyone of you should want to join me, be my guest! +)



Come to think about it, anger really is unjustifiable sometimes. I used to be angry at God for not providing me with good enough A-level results to get a scholarship. As I grew up in university life, I always envied those scholars whom the government valued, and whose road to greatness had been paved out.

Then I read this article. And I couldn't stop smiling.

Screw the scholarships. The government can keep them. The scholars can have them. My God has much better plans for me than the government can ever have. My Father's agency hires those most open to spontanity, with the desire to please and obey Him. And from what I know, His compensation is always more than enough, and the only type that is guaranteed even on the day the Earth breathes its last. +)





Oh, and I rejected the teaching scholarship. +))









Hatred - the anger of the weak. -Alphonse Daudet

In your anger, do not sin. -Paul (Eph 4:26a)

Sweet Innocence

As the final week of internship draws to a close, two competing emotions are manifesting little by little.

I'm totally drained out. Teaching is fun, but relieving classes is bloody tiring. Teachers on MC or leave are making special requests for me to relieve their classes, even though there are two other interns and at least four other contract teachers. From an energetic, lively teacher I'm becoming so tired I can sleep while walking around the class. And yes, I have been having my 7 hours of sleep a day.

Yet I'm going to miss the girls. It's really cute when some of them always call my name whenever I walk past their class, giggle after greeting me on the walkway, or just say repeatedly "He's so hot" behind me while I'm queuing up for brunch during their canteen breaks. (One student even boldly declared that I should be a model. I gently said that it was not going to be anytime soon, and thanked her for the compliment.) Well, I have to admit I make use of the gender difference to my advantage: students whom other teachers find impossible to control become subservient with a small wink; students who argue and retaliate become speechless when I look into their eyes; students who enjoy chatting all the time become red in the face and silent when they realize I'm behind them. It's "evil" I know, but it's an internship after all, and since it gets the students to do their work and thus make the teachers happy, I suppose, why not? As long as I ignore their catcalls and reply their greetings with a smile, the world is a much better place.

But I'm going to miss those girls alright, especially those from the Normal Academic and Normal Technical classes. I appreciate their honesty and forthrightness, despite whatever the other teachers have warned me about them. They are the clearest show of human innocence under siege by the corrupted ways of the world. And losing.



I never thought of myself as innocent or naive, until one of the senior teachers mentioned how strange it was when I told her that I believed in the inherent goodness of everyone, especially the students of the school. Her laughter made me contemplate if that which was within me was really naivety, innocence or ignorance. She said that I haven't seen the potential of maliciousness of the students, or for that matter, the working world yet.

I didn't argue. I have seen much of the maliciousness of this world. But I still believe in the inherent goodness of everyone. It just tears my heart out when people prove me wrong. But usually... no, almost all the time, I still refuse to waver in my belief of the goodness and innocence deep within.






And no, it's not a matter of perspective.







I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water. -Maya Angelou

Within every sinner is a heart longing for holiness. Within every harlot is a lady who can love with a fierce loyalty. That's why I still believe you're innocent. That's why the wound's so deep. -Valentino Casanova

Broken and Unworthy

Kisses by the moonlight
Lightly fluttering beside
Auburn silk, no highlights
Hair: flowing with soft sighs

Breathe, singing hushes
Pitches denied their blushes
Nocturnes my heart misses
Sashaying without noises

Hold me, ride my wings
Miss me, my soul sings
Heart me, don't be mean
Love me, be my queen


Broken.

If I were to dance to the rhythm of the night
If I were to shimmy down the city sights
Laugh not should I miss a step
Sigh not should them tears I shed
Be silent, a spectator remain
The love that guides knows not the pain
Not the hurt or anger or sadness, but
Sprouts lazily
Grows unsteadily
Stretches unwillingly

Yet, blossoms proudly

Red for the royalty in your blood
Orange for your passion's flame
Yellow for His light you shine
Green for the life you share
Blue for mercy like an ocean deep
Indigo for trust as the sun goes down
Violet for the smiles of a summer lavender

White for the mesmerizing beauty radiate

But Black deep within me
When you've been gone too long
When my heart is without song
When pain knocks on my door in throngs
When justice gives way to wrongs

Why open my eyes
When my world is darkness?
Why give words of encouragement
When my ears have become deaf?

Savior, God, King
Abandon not me alone
Cast me not from Your presence
Curse me not in Your anger
But grant Your servant just a while longer
To linger in Your splendor
Unworthy as he may be

Should the day arrive when my heart refuses to obey, should the time come when my mind refuses to submit, should the moment descend when my soul burns for another beside You, reveal the blackness in my spirit and consume all that is even a little unpleasing with the fire of Your holiness. -Valentino Casanova

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? -David (Psalms 121:1)

The Justice of Academic Results

Valentino has met people who didn't give two hoots about God and yet still aced their examinations.

Valentino has met people who blasphemed God and yet topped the entire level.

Valentino has met Christians who backslided by not coming to church, deciding instead to sacrifice the time of fellowship for studying for their papers, and then did so well they concluded that God didn't exist.

But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape. (Malachi 3:15)

What shall we say about such things? That God is unfair? That God is blind? That there is no such thing as justice in this world?


An interning colleague of mine was absent from school for more than 5 weeks because he lied to the principal about having H1N1. The principal knows that he was lying; after all, the entire list of H1N1 sufferers were made available and accessible to them, updated daily. But she let him go ahead and "quarantine" himself at home, even after the quarantine law was dropped. And no, he didn't stay at home either. He knows, and admits to me, that he can feel that the school doesn't really want him back.

But the best part of it? He was still paid every cent, collecting the same amount of allowance as me and the other interns and contract teachers, who did not miss a single day of school.


A good friend of mine showed me the Facebook profile page of one of his pals, a model and a self-proclaimed badboy. Of course, my friend wanted to prove to me that good boys finish last, and I must say, it was one of the better examples that I have ever seen. As I read his pal's wall posts, I immediately passed the judgement that he was embarrassingly childish and his flirtation skills were really low-class. His nick even read, " XX wants to be faithful, but he can't keep his hands out of the cookie jar."

But the best part of it? It didn't take a super sleuth for me and my friend to find that a guy like him was drawing the attention of an astonishing number of beautiful (and straight) ladies to himself. Girls of all variations of beauty and intelligence had fallen victim to his "charms".


Even as I told my friend to forget about it, I couldn't help wondering why life was seemingly so unfair. I know some friends who study really hard for their examinations, and still screw up. I know friends who really want to be doctors, to serve society, only to have problems getting into polytechnic. I know girls from STC whom I interact in class with who want to break out of the mire of "uselessness" and "despondancy" but no matter how hard they try, other obstacles like family, teachers and friends limit their abilities.




Then a small voice spoke.


Why do you question My judgements? Why do you doubt that I have the best plans for your life, as well as the lives of those who honor me?

Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained. (1 Sam 2:30c)

Why Lord, do you allow the wicked to prosper and bless those who hate you?

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

Who are you to act as judge? Are you the one who created the Heavens and the Earth? Are you the one who breathed life into dust? Are you the One whom I have anointed to rule forever? All I require of you is to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Me. You act justly in your life, I will take care of the bigger matters out of your control.




I have to remember that one of my biggest testimonies, ironically, started out as one of my biggest failures: My A-levels.






I have never met anyone who put God first and screwed up a major exam so badly that five years later he or she can say that God screwed up his or her life because of it. -Valentino Casanova

Would you discredit My justice? Would you condemn Me to justify yourself? -God (Job 40:8)