I would like to dance
Where the streets have no names
Where the band never sleeps
And their voices complete
The aroma of morning dew oh so sweet
A world with no distractions
No noises, no contagions
No wars and whatnots with their joy-draining conceptions
Every corner a French bakery
A candy store, an old jukebox
And a sofa with a pot
of hot, lovely Chinese tea!
Everyone a potential lover
No lust for no race
Much less for one's gender
Just the remnants of mankind's once familiar desire
From a time when passion
Governed our senses
Was it only yesterday?
When we could tell apart, camaraderies
And our deepest, secret intimacies.
I would like to dance
Where the streets have no names
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Better to Be Lonely Than To Ever Loved
Just for one moment in the dark, I felt loved again. By another vulnerable creature, who gave everything she had. But as quickly as she came, she was gone.
I spent the rest of the night relieving an ancient pain, one that sears not only the body but whose destruction rips opens one's soul, leaving it bare for decomposition. It did not matter that I had an entire king-sized bed to myself; on the contrary, it made the emptiness deeper. Time crawled by, and finally sunlight pierced through the hotel's curtains, dividing the blackness and separating the night.
I swore that glass promise to myself once again, never to let myself fall in love. No, not even for a brief moment.
For they will all leave, taking with them fragments of one's heart as a woman grabs her diamonds whilst fleeing an approaching tsunami.
And the waves will not cleanse the pain, but instead leave behind a trail of devastation beyond one's God-given capacity to contain.
I have locked up my heart in a Swiss bank account and burnt the logs. What remains to be done is to hum a melancholic ballad tune and fling the keys into the silence from the peak of the ice-crowned, snow-bleeding Matterhorn.
I spent the rest of the night relieving an ancient pain, one that sears not only the body but whose destruction rips opens one's soul, leaving it bare for decomposition. It did not matter that I had an entire king-sized bed to myself; on the contrary, it made the emptiness deeper. Time crawled by, and finally sunlight pierced through the hotel's curtains, dividing the blackness and separating the night.
I swore that glass promise to myself once again, never to let myself fall in love. No, not even for a brief moment.
For they will all leave, taking with them fragments of one's heart as a woman grabs her diamonds whilst fleeing an approaching tsunami.
And the waves will not cleanse the pain, but instead leave behind a trail of devastation beyond one's God-given capacity to contain.
I have locked up my heart in a Swiss bank account and burnt the logs. What remains to be done is to hum a melancholic ballad tune and fling the keys into the silence from the peak of the ice-crowned, snow-bleeding Matterhorn.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Househusband
I find it extremely strange that it is in such a prestigious institution which hires so many of Singapore's smartest people where I actually find so many male colleagues who want to be... househusbands.
Weird, this "gender equality" thing. Well, I have much to thank God for. He's answered so many of my prayers (even though most of them are technically wishes and not prayers). I just pray that my busy traveling schedule and long working hours will not take away the time spent with Him.
Onwards to greater things!
Weird, this "gender equality" thing. Well, I have much to thank God for. He's answered so many of my prayers (even though most of them are technically wishes and not prayers). I just pray that my busy traveling schedule and long working hours will not take away the time spent with Him.
Onwards to greater things!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Midnight Quarrel, No Thanks to Love
Was distributing flyers around the neighborhood when I overheard a man and a woman quarreling downstairs near the letter boxes where I was at.
Despite the limitations to my proficiency in Chinese dialects, I could tell it was a quarrel between husband and wife about money. Think the lady was involved in drugs and/or gambling, and was borrowing money to feed her addiction, only to have an affair with one of the men who has been lending her money and buying her dresses (from those red plastic bag, thrift stores too). Apparently, her husband has been working quite hard, and given his dressing and language, did not seem to be highly educated.
As I watched him pushed her around, shouting at the top of his voice past the midnight hour, I couldn't help but feel my heart sinking as I tried to speed up the pace on my own job. With her stoically remaining silent, it wasn't too long before he started pushing her around, until she fell to the floor quite hard. Not surprisingly, the police came within a few minutes, and the man was given a stern warning whereas the lady disappeared.
Although in no way do I advocate violence towards women, I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. Here he is, working his guts out and giving his wife money, and there she is spending it away and going for another guy.
Of course, I don't have all the details. I only write what I hear. But its little excerpts like this in my life that make me feel contemporary romantic love is so complicated, it might be an experience I should avoid. Just to save me all the heartache.
I used to think that I will never find a woman who could love me.
Now I don't think I will ever find a woman I could love that much.
Despite the limitations to my proficiency in Chinese dialects, I could tell it was a quarrel between husband and wife about money. Think the lady was involved in drugs and/or gambling, and was borrowing money to feed her addiction, only to have an affair with one of the men who has been lending her money and buying her dresses (from those red plastic bag, thrift stores too). Apparently, her husband has been working quite hard, and given his dressing and language, did not seem to be highly educated.
As I watched him pushed her around, shouting at the top of his voice past the midnight hour, I couldn't help but feel my heart sinking as I tried to speed up the pace on my own job. With her stoically remaining silent, it wasn't too long before he started pushing her around, until she fell to the floor quite hard. Not surprisingly, the police came within a few minutes, and the man was given a stern warning whereas the lady disappeared.
Although in no way do I advocate violence towards women, I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. Here he is, working his guts out and giving his wife money, and there she is spending it away and going for another guy.
Of course, I don't have all the details. I only write what I hear. But its little excerpts like this in my life that make me feel contemporary romantic love is so complicated, it might be an experience I should avoid. Just to save me all the heartache.
I used to think that I will never find a woman who could love me.
Now I don't think I will ever find a woman I could love that much.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Women Want Rich Husbands
Razor TV: Despite the feminist's struggle for women to get out of the home and into the corporate world, some women would rather want a rich husband to fall back on.
Duh.
Duh.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The Next Step
I haven't been blogging here for quite a while, I realize. Been busy with the new blog, neglected my personal one. Hah.
Right now will be exactly a week before Andrew goes to Australia for his studies. Was a great farewell BBQ party last night, organized by his buddies Haryanto and Simon. Another awesome lunch at Ding Tai Fung with a bunch of the younger youths in the afternoon who wanted to give him a goodbye treat.
I guess I'm a little envious of the fact that he will be going overseas to study. I've always wanted to do something like that myself, especially when my ego is constantly questioning my "apparent dependence" on my parents. Been longing to have my own room, own space, own time for a long, long time, but I'm burdened by a heavy sense of responsibility to ensure that my parents are not lonely and that the family has sufficient money to give Nick a similar opportunity to study overseas.
I haven't been going out much during the last two weeks (except to the gym), and thus spending very little. I'm still hoping for Chinese New Year to come soon, so at least I can top up my EZ-link card to go gym. Walking is a viable option, but it's still a 20-minute journey at brisk-walking pace. Ironically, staying at home so much has fostered laziness in me to blog.
I hope the MFA gets back to me on the results of the second round soon. To be honest, besides the social status and the fact that the pay will help get Nick to university, I don't exactly feel drawn to the job. Many people have been telling me that if you're not some scholar-material, you're just inside to do the work that no one wants to do. Personally, I hate it when I'm not being utilized to the maximum. Makes me feel like I'm wasting my time.
I've been toying with an idea for some time. Should I not get the jobs of my choice, I would like to go teach English in Banchang, Thailand. Most people who know my working style have been encouraging me to be a teacher, but I've made it pretty clear that I don't like teaching students who are only learning for the sake of examinations. Teaching English in Thailand however, a different issue altogether. The language will actually help bring higher-level jobs to the countryside, or at least increase the value of these students when they eventually go out to work.
The slow pace of lifestyle will also mean that I can afford a bicycle and travel around the neighboring towns, learning about changing third-world lifestyles in the face of rapid development. I can partner factory owners to ensure ethical and sustainable industrial processes, learn entrepreneurship from the local shop owners, and even minister to the Thai Christians over there. The idea of having a blog or Twitter feed that can broadcast my updates back to friends and supporters back at home is also incredibly attractive, especially if they inspire creative ideas to improve the Thai's life. I won't need much monetary support too, probably about S$1000/month would be sufficient.
Sigh. But it's all day-dreaming I guess. The pressure of status-anxiety among my peers, the family's financial vacuum and my parents' well-being are all obstacles that have to be overcome. The only concrete step taken is to pick up Thai from David, who's been so kind as to teach me the language at express speed through weekly lessons.
However, the thought of toiling in a job which does not utilize my talents and worse still, brings no meaning to my life, is a terrible thought. But then again, isn't that reality for most people in the Third World?
One thing you lack. Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. -Jesus (Mark 10:21)
Right now will be exactly a week before Andrew goes to Australia for his studies. Was a great farewell BBQ party last night, organized by his buddies Haryanto and Simon. Another awesome lunch at Ding Tai Fung with a bunch of the younger youths in the afternoon who wanted to give him a goodbye treat.
I guess I'm a little envious of the fact that he will be going overseas to study. I've always wanted to do something like that myself, especially when my ego is constantly questioning my "apparent dependence" on my parents. Been longing to have my own room, own space, own time for a long, long time, but I'm burdened by a heavy sense of responsibility to ensure that my parents are not lonely and that the family has sufficient money to give Nick a similar opportunity to study overseas.
I haven't been going out much during the last two weeks (except to the gym), and thus spending very little. I'm still hoping for Chinese New Year to come soon, so at least I can top up my EZ-link card to go gym. Walking is a viable option, but it's still a 20-minute journey at brisk-walking pace. Ironically, staying at home so much has fostered laziness in me to blog.
I hope the MFA gets back to me on the results of the second round soon. To be honest, besides the social status and the fact that the pay will help get Nick to university, I don't exactly feel drawn to the job. Many people have been telling me that if you're not some scholar-material, you're just inside to do the work that no one wants to do. Personally, I hate it when I'm not being utilized to the maximum. Makes me feel like I'm wasting my time.
I've been toying with an idea for some time. Should I not get the jobs of my choice, I would like to go teach English in Banchang, Thailand. Most people who know my working style have been encouraging me to be a teacher, but I've made it pretty clear that I don't like teaching students who are only learning for the sake of examinations. Teaching English in Thailand however, a different issue altogether. The language will actually help bring higher-level jobs to the countryside, or at least increase the value of these students when they eventually go out to work.
The slow pace of lifestyle will also mean that I can afford a bicycle and travel around the neighboring towns, learning about changing third-world lifestyles in the face of rapid development. I can partner factory owners to ensure ethical and sustainable industrial processes, learn entrepreneurship from the local shop owners, and even minister to the Thai Christians over there. The idea of having a blog or Twitter feed that can broadcast my updates back to friends and supporters back at home is also incredibly attractive, especially if they inspire creative ideas to improve the Thai's life. I won't need much monetary support too, probably about S$1000/month would be sufficient.
Sigh. But it's all day-dreaming I guess. The pressure of status-anxiety among my peers, the family's financial vacuum and my parents' well-being are all obstacles that have to be overcome. The only concrete step taken is to pick up Thai from David, who's been so kind as to teach me the language at express speed through weekly lessons.
However, the thought of toiling in a job which does not utilize my talents and worse still, brings no meaning to my life, is a terrible thought. But then again, isn't that reality for most people in the Third World?
One thing you lack. Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. -Jesus (Mark 10:21)
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