After much pre-examination drift-offs, I've come to the conclusion that the way we lead our lives is largely decided on what people have said to us and our reactions to them while we were growing old. Strangely, we might not even remember most of what was said, nor might they even have been true! But reflect a little on your life, and write down those few sentences that someone might have said along the way. Just so to give you a little thought-boost, here are a few that I've collated over the examination period.
"You have no idea what it is like to be poor. So stop thinking that you know everything, because you don't."
-Primary school classmate, who eventually dropped out of school
"You're so immature you can't even tell when your family finances are in trouble. And your parents love you too much to tell you in the face, so I'll do it. You're a SPOILT BRAT."
-Stranger, told to me when my dad lost his job when I was in secondary school and I was considering about asking him to buy me a cell phone so I could be like the rest of my classmates
"You're fat and ugly. Period. Girls don't go for fat and ugly guys, so... tough luck. Unless you don't mind _______ (name of a moderately overweight, acne-filled mutual female friend). HAHA! But... I don't know how come you can write such fantastic love letters. Say, why don't I pay you a dollar for every letter you write for me to her?"
-A rich playboy from my secondary school (FYI: I earned a lot of pocket money and friendships from doing that)
"Seriously, I don't get your Christian-nonsense. You think you're high and mighty, making such comments. Stop manipulating people with your bullshit. You're a manipulator, that's what you are. Don't think I cannot see through your religious facade. I hope they kick you out."
-Ex-Christian course mate during OCS, after hearing me speak about how I believed God was putting me in persecution under my superiors to build up my dependence on Him
"You're not as good as him, and you'll never be. He's a DSTA scholar on his way to Imperial, more handsome than you, and his family lives in a huge bungalow. He has his own car to send me home, so I don't get those dizzy spells on the bus. He also has a Grade 8 in piano, and you know how much I adore piano music. I always had a crush on him since JC, and now he tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me. He can provide me with everything that I need. And please, stop telling me that you love me, you're just hurting me by trying to manipulate my feelings."
-Someone I loved
"As a sociology student, you should know this better than me. The first two minutes of your introduction determines that person's impression of you for the next twenty years. The same goes for women. They're not going to be able to find out that you're
-Ex-classmate, during a class gathering in a bar last year
Sometimes, when I think back about all these comments that shattered inner expectations, and some literally breaking my heart when I heard them, I do understand that some of them were made during moments of deep emotions, periods when any human being can say hurtful things, whether true or not. But God always has a way of making such hurtful things turn into instruments for good, some of them in retrospect after more than a decade.
If no one told me I was spoilt, maybe I would never have cultivated a spirit of stewardship and thanksgiving for everything that I had.
If no one had told me that I will never understand how the poor feel, maybe I would have just supported the current system of meritocracy without ever bothering to care about the marginalized during my lifetime.
If no one had told me that I was not attractive to girls, I wouldn't have picked up all the little skills that I have now to win a girl's heart.
If no one had accused me of manipulating others with religion, I wouldn't have developed extra caution in picking the right words and timing to bless others with.
If no one had told me that I'm not good enough, I might not have continued to be so driven towards self-improvement at an admittedly, insane, pace and desire for perfection.
If no one had told me his opinion on what he defines as the apparent materialism of women, I wouldn't be so sensitive to concealing my wealth when picking a future mate.
I strongly believe that some people, not all, thrive on "you're not good enough" rhetoric. After all, I'm one of them. Some of the friends whom God have blessed me with have become my best buddies because they tell me plainly where I need to improve on. Takes both knowing me well and a lot of gumption to do that, I realize.
Then again, it is also true that I don't believe a word of "you're special and unique", at least when directly spoken to me. Not even "you're special and unique in God's eyes". Hypocritically, I have encouraged many using that phrase, but nothing of it sinks into my psyche.
Because I refuse to let it do so.
You're special and unique. Just like everyone else. -Demotivators
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