The work at my unit is piling up higher and higher, so I'm kinda getting busier everyday. But that's a good thing. I prefer having a pre-occupied mind than a dull and lazy one. Sorta feel healthier too... Haha... Thank God that I'm building good rapport with my co-workers and signallers. Though I don't have the toilet humour of my upper-study, I guess it's also good coZ people see me as a serious worker and a no nonsense leader, unlike the way they view my upper-study.
He just went Zouk tonight. Inside me I also wished I had the money to go and party the night away, it's Mambo Night after all... But another side of me tells me that people who go there are depressed people. They are searching for something that is out of this world, and the closest they get (without taking drugs) is this uncannily potent mixture of blaring music, strong alcohol and a place crammed full of strangers with sensuality filling the air. The music is suggestively sexual, and perspiration, cigarette smoke plus flashing lights only add to the glamor of a paradise not found on earth.
But rarely do they find it. They come close, very close actually, that's why they are drawn to it in a unique way. Even I myself sometimes visit those places. Once in a while I'll steal off on a Saturday night to Double O's at Muhammed Sultan to dance the night away to my favourite Retro tunes like "Dancing Queen", "Square Rooms" and "Livin' on a Prayer". I really like those kind of music, and clubbing gives me the chance to dance in any manner I'm comfortable with. It brings out some 'happiness" in me, albeit a short-lived one. But the people I see there sometimes scare me. The deaden look in their eyes, or the flashing anger, or the ferocious sexual appetite building up in them.
The neon lights have a special way of making people look sexier. It also creates mystery because you can't see that stranger on the other end of the dance floor very clearly, but you know that she has a voluptous figure, and she's looking right at you... The tension and excitement it creates is stunning, and the illusions and expectations that wet your appetite come pouring in your mind, with the suggestive lyrics of the songs and the hynotizing effects of the bass knocking out any trace of common sense in your head. How can someone resist something like that? It's difficult you know... That's when God's strength is required. But sometimes, I worry for myself when will be the next time I go back to clubbing again. That urge is building up everyday, and I always convince myself that I'm going there because I love retro music, but a small voice in my head rebukes me because that's not purely the only reason why I go there...
Sigh.. Clubbing... Should I go or not? Sometimes. I just think it's because I'm lonely. I need someone to pamper... Someone to love me in return... But I cannot say it out loud for... Am I any lesser a man if I do?
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