A blessed New Year to one and all. May you draw closer to Jesus, even if a spanner has to fall from heaven onto your heard. It hurts, but it's also necessary.
One more year has passed. It's January already, and while most people are having fresh starts, I still feel a certain indescribable, liminal transcendence, as if floating in mid-air, tied down by the bittersweet memories of the year before, like a kite. I really don't like the soft, slow acid-like effect that jealousy has on your heart.
Got news from Thiam Kwee that Michelle and myself have been selected to be worship leaders for the main congregation starting June this year, and from now till then, to be mentored by Eric Chong and Jeremiah respectively. It's a dream come true to me, being able to do what I love most as service to the church, but the proposal coming now makes me worry that I'm not in the right frame of mind or ready to serve in this area. But who is ever ready? When I thought I was stable enough to face anything some time in October last year, God showed me how a small knock on my knee led my entire being to collapse and lean onto Him like a crutch. To say that I'm worried that I won't be good enough for Him sounds silly coming from someone in charge of a teaching ministry, but I'll say it again, because it's true.
I'm worried I'm not good enough for You.
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