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I met the most beautiful creature in the world today. You know, the kind of beauty that mesmerizes you, blinds you, shocks you. Beauty that makes you want to write, sing, jump, weep and possess. I just had to write this post the moment I came home because the emotions are tearing me apart from the inside out, the feelings welling up like a geyser, the bittersweet sensation spilling over and onto the page.

It was about 3pm, just outside the toilet of LT9. A good lunch and a interesting conversation with two close friends had just taken place, who could be more satisfied? Then you came out of the canteen, all by yourself. I saw you from afar, and averted my gaze for a moment to prepare my heart for the shock. Turning back again, it was you. You. You'd cropped your hair shorter, like the photographs in JC, and the green-white top you wore was oh so familiar, unerasable from my memory. Your face radiated such fair beauty, recapturing my heart again like the first day I set my eyes on you. Your eyes were shinning, you seemed happy from where you were. And the way you walked, seductive, yet as if taking such innocent steps.

I don't know if you saw me. My lips spoke your name but no sound came from my mouth. For that meager five seconds as you walked past me, my jaw was literally left hanging open. A hundred questions rushed past my mind. How have you been? Where are you heading to? Do you know that you look fabulous? Has school been tough? Are you on good terms with your family? How's uncle and aunty? How's your little brother? Did he do well for his exams? Which JC is he applying for? How is he? How's the both of you? Is he treating you well? Is everything going on well between you both? Are you free now? Would you like to stay and chat for a while?

But... nothing came out. I forced myself to walk the other direction with my friends, towards the library. Victor, you can do it. Just walk away. Just walk away. Just walk.... Argh. No further than the admin block, I gave a lame reason and bid my friends farewell. I rush towards the direction of where you were last seen heading. Maybe you were heading home. Then it must be the 188 bus stop. I sprinted with every ounce of strength I've got. I had to see you once more. I just had to. I dunno why. I had nothing prepared to say, and if I did, I'd probably just garble those 3 words that I had been wanting to say for so long.

Down the stairs towards the terminal, I strained my eyes to look at the bus stop. Two ladies. Neither one was you. My heart sank, half broken. I stared for a while, then slowly walked to Kent Ridge terminal. Everywhere I went from that point on, I began to see you. People who looked like you. People who talked like you. People who smiled like you. But they weren't you.

It's been 6 weeks since I last saw you. I thought it was enough time to be over somebody. That if I saw you again, it shouldn't be too bad. Especially since you looked great. You looked awesome.

But no. The sight of you still overwhelms me with emotions. I was a fool to think that you'd just be a memory, a lasting prayer item on my list, a taste of heaven to come. And yet, I find that after all this while, I'm still waiting for you.

I haven't replied your last email. I didn't reply not because I was angry and wanted to spite you, or was determined to reject you, or was lazy to write, or silent due to the lack of words. God knows I have a million things that I want to ask you, to say to you. But I don't ever want to hurt you. The best option remaining was to remain silent and stay faraway. Out of your life, out of your memories, out of your thoughts.

But, if you didn't notice me today, if you never realize that the prayers I whisper every night are for you, if even the most occasional thought of me never comes to mind, will you still remember me?

Will you still need me?















If God really gave all of us a guardian angel each, I've given mine orders to watch over you.