I'm amazed sometimes at the kind of sin that I can commit. No, it wasn't unconsciously done. Neither can blame be put upon my past, or responsibility be taken by another. When one allows the Holy Spirit to enter into one's life, he or she undergoes an entirely new birth, one in which life begins afresh. Sin is made clear, evil is exposed and suddenly one becomes strangely aware of things that one used to do that is evil and unpleasing.
It doesn't mean that people stop sinning. Yes, it should be mean that we sin less, but it doesn't mean that we become sinless. Love is constructed in a way that God gives us freedom to choose obedience over sin, and we become clearly aware of the choices in front of us. Sin therefore is a choice, and when Christians sin, we clearly made a choice to do so. From my experiences, it often means refusing to heed the voice of God, giving in to sin and our own lust and desires. We cannot compare to other non-Christians because although they may be strongly aware of certain moral laws brought to light by other religions, laws or moral teaching, no other group of people have so clear a voice to follow, so bright a light that shines on their deeds, so resounding a word that dictates what is and what is not sin.
Christians have no excuse for sinning. It's clear from 1 Cor 10:13 that with the Holy Spirit by our side, no temptation can befall us for which we can safely say that we were unconsciously forced to do it, by instinct or habit. Jas 1:13 also tells us that God doesn't tempt us, so that sin is something that we put ourselves into by not fleeing it, and/or something that God purposely puts in our path to teach us something. Trials, hard times yes. Temptations, no. Remember that the former verse also says that there is ALWAYS a way out of it, it's whether we choose to take it or not.
But the tyranny of sin often comes when we commit sins that we least expect ourselves to fall for. No, it doesn't happen too often to me, but it happens. We say things like "Nah, I'll never fall for that" or "That can't possibly happen to me" but when it does, it leaves us speechless.
When things like that happen, it serves to remind me that I have no control over sin. As much as I believe in practicing and training oneself to resist sin (which is Biblical), I must never underestimate its power and control over the human nature which still remains within. Sin is a lifelong struggle, and often when one thinks that he or she has finally mastered it, another fall is often not too far away. Humbly, one is directed to come back to the feet of Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and continue on the race of life.
It's sad when I see myself becoming almost like a Pharisee, the very people Jesus despised and warned us not to be like. Though I try hard to be a good Christian, such efforts often plant shady thoughts of pride, even though one doesn't necessarily show it. Then, a big fall serves as a timely reminder that like Paul, I'm the worst of sinners by far. As we grow, we stop sinning in the small things, but we get crushed by the big ones. In that sense, I sympathize with big time preachers who get caught in extra-marital affairs or scandalous involvements with money. As much as they don't do the "common" sins like lying, cursing, getting angry etc., they often seem to get involved in the "big", "uncommon" sins. No, I'm not saying this as to excuse them from it, I see it more as a reminder to the layman Christian that everyone is fallible to sin, even the greatest preacher and the so-called "holier Christian".
I must remember to never say that I'm a better Christian, or at least think so for that matter. After all, if sin could be placed on a scale of "small" to "large", with those committed more often as being smaller e.g. exaggeration, and those committed less often as larger e.g. murder, then I must admit that I am far worse than the average Christian or (non-Christian for that matter!) I just hope that like Paul, I will one day be brave enough to allow them to be testimonies to the unlimited patience that Jesus has for a crappy fellow like me. And to think that I'm in-charge of ministries in my church too! All too often I feel like resigning due to unworthiness given the amount of grace He has to pour upon someone such as myself.
Before I close this post, I just felt the need to post the current psalm that best describes the struggle and guilt within me that acts as a reminder to my weakness and my dependence upon His strength and grace to carry me through this difficult journey that I must take.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. -Paul (1 Tim 1:15-16)
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