I was reading a good friend's blog when I noticed a strange trend among single Christians. In their loneliness, they have this habit of leaning on God's grace that is in a way (to me) pretty un-Biblical.
They write stuff like "God, help me to know that You're all I need now", or "Jesus, You are all I need in this life". Apparently, as I read on, God is seen as a substitute to the fact that they are single, and He is assumed to be able to take the place of a mate during times of single-hood.
At the risk of heavy criticism, I'm going to write this: God is NOT a substitute for your loneliness that comes from the need of having a mate. There is a theological flaw in assuming that God is EVERYTHING we need. God is not bread. Jesus may be the Bread of Life, which is more vital for living than daily bread, but He is not daily bread itself! The Provider must not be mistaken for the object that He provides!
God may indeed have a plan for us who are single during this season of your life, SO ADMIT IT! Don't fool yourself by saying that God will fill up that gap with Himself. If there is a hole, there is a hole. If you prefer to describe it as an empty void, so it is. But to imagine filling it up with preoccupation with God is foolhardy in my opinion. My life is testimony to how one can share a wonderful relationship with the Savior yet acknowledge the void that is within.
Where is the evidence, you ask? Take a look at Genesis 2:18.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."Also, if you're still not convinced, take a look at 1 Cor 7:9.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Notice that God did not fill in the gap with Himself. He could have said, "It is not good for a man to be alone. I shall advise him to turn and look to me to fill the loneliness in his heart" or "But if they cannot control themselves, they should repent of their lack of control and look to me to fill that emptiness for a partner." But He didn't. God acknowledged that it is not good for a man to be alone. So that's all there is to it. Even with the opportunity to walk side by side with God and share a relationship with Him like no other man ever did (not even Jesus), Adam was deemed as imperfect, and the creation of Eve was to make it good (not perfect), along with the rest of creation that was already deemed to be good. This relationship is analogous to the sea, which when God first created was considered good, but not something to be carried over to the second Heaven.
So, to all the singles out there (especially Christian guys), instead of trying to patch up that "hole" or "emptiness" in your heart with your relationship with God, let's be truthful instead and admit that God has allowed this season of imperfection for good reasons that vary among us and the plans He has. Direct the energy to doing things instead, especially since as singles we have more control over our time, energy, priority-settings and money. God will provide the relevant choices in time, when it is suitable.
It is a terrible lie to tell single pre-believers that a relationship with God will remove the emptiness within. Yes of course, if one is referring to the spiritual emptiness that only Jesus can fill. But I have heard wind of evangelism efforts directed (especially to women) in a way that give rise to misinterpretation that this relationship will also cover the need for a mate. It doesn't. In the end, it'll only create bitter ex-Christians who'll just say that a relationship with God didn't fulfill them 100% in the end. In the first place, I don't believe God did make claims to that, so let us not make un-Biblical claims in His name.
There is an emptiness in our soul that only a partner of the opposite gender can fulfill, so let us be frank and admit it instead of lying to others and to ourselves that God will fill in the gap until that person comes along. So if that person comes along, wouldn't he or she be taking that place that God once used to fill? Of course not! The pain is real, loneliness is real.
The only comfort we can give to singles, most prominently youths suffering from depression, is that there is a reason for this current loneliness, a God who knows our sorrows, and a hope for the future. God can indeed fill much of the gap of our lives (a mate being just one of the many gaps), but He has never and will never personally take the place of this one very gap that He has allowed to exist among those of us yet to find a suitable mate.
To most people, loneliness is a doom. Yet loneliness is the very thing which God has chosen to be one the schools of training for His very own. It is the fire that sheds the dross and reveals the gold. -Bernard M. Martin
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