One of the biggest plus-points about working in the PR industry is that one becomes highly aware of international and local issues, especially regarding the specific industry that one's client companies are interested in. Nonetheless, there's always those outstanding articles that continue to catch one's eye.
A particular topic that have caught my eye:
"More marrying foreigners" [link]
"Imported brides popular" [link]
In response to that, a slightly angsty journalist/columnist/editor wrote a half-page article on this issue. From the tone of the article, there is no doubt that the writer is a local female who is obviously unhappy about why increasingly more (and yes, younger!) Singaporean men are going for foreign brides. (Sadly, I am unable to find the time to fish out the article and clip it, but it is not going to stop me from blogging about this)
Let me extremely blunt and logical about this matter as I attempt to defend these men. At the same time, I shall endeavor to be as impartial and objective as possible.
Firstly, we are not talking about arranged marriages. Contemporary marriage now requires the consent of two partners, and this has become a matter-of-fact that to argue against it is equivalent to screaming aloud one's allegiance to the culture of a barbaric civilization. But if we break down this "matter-of-fact", we begin to understand that marriage has delved into the realm of personal choice from a stage where it was a huge political issue involving families or villages. In other words, marriage has dwindled down to basically a matter involving two consumers. But local women who are unhappy about this entire matter forget one thing:
THE MEN HAVE A CHOICE TOO.
It's simple. Gender relations, at the lowest levels, is a matter of economic principle. Understanding demand and supply requires less than a PSLE certificate. In this case, local females are a close parallel to a company who sells products that provide low satisfaction but come at a high price.
Before the local women begin screaming for my head, let us evaluate unscrupulously and unemotionally the benefits to a man if he marries a local woman:
1. Clear communication (cultural understanding and positive information/language exchange)
2. Monetary benefits (only if there's an agreement to pool resources)
3. Positive upbringing of children (only if she spends time interacting with them)
That's just about all the solid points I can think of. (The columnist strongly emphasized point 1, I racked my brains for point 2 and 3, but had to add clauses behind them) Let me bring it down to earth: clear communication is more a matter of willingness to try and less a matter of cultural similarities. If one however, is referring to higher level communication e.g. witty remarks, a closer look will enlighten one to the fact that such language and cultural nuances are, very often, a class issue. Only members of the upper-class tend to place such huge importance to cultural signals such as these.
Now let us see what the benefits are if a local man chooses a foreign bride:
1. Customization: He can decide to pick one with the figure of a porn star and a face of a goddess.
2. Low maintenance: Foreign brides will not ask for branded goods, spa-related holidays and a big house. Because of that (and better still) they are easier to impress. And there's no need to spend a ton on a candlelight dinner to have a 50-50 chance at having sex.
3. Control: Foreign brides come from mainly patriarchal countries and expect the man to be in-charge. And men here have largely been domesticated to treat women equally, but guess who benefits in the end!
There are quite a number more, albeit debatable points, so they won't be listed here. Now let us deal with the criticism of foreign brides:
1. Money suckers: People feel that foreign brides are out to cheat a man of his money, and it is no surprise that the biggest proponents of this point are local women. But then again, who ever said that local women are not money suckers too? Isn't "high maintenance", a commonly used term to describe local women, a direct equivalent?
2. Communication/Educational barriers: Yes, foreign women can't speak Singlish. So what? Given that a huge portion come from mainland China (some university graduates too), their Chinese is even more fluent than locals. And to say that they are not as intelligent is simply inhumane. I shall not comment on such a unthoughtful, biased statement. By the way, I do recall which group is constantly screaming to the men, "You just don't understand us!" Well, foreign brides apparently show a huge willingness to try.
3. Lack of loyalty: News goes around that foreign brides are not loyal, that marriage is simply one of their scams to gain citizenship into a richer country. Again, this is a huge myth. Foreign women are, if I may endeavor to say, even sharper when it comes to noticing economic differences as well as tactical in calculating their losses before risking an affair with a richer, more good-looking local playboy. No, they are not so stupid to fall in love with a construction worker just because he's from the same country.
So let's not overestimate importance of "chemistry". After all, it is still a Victorian principle born out of the upper-class and propagated by Hollywood. It is also helpful to note that the very men that form this group of "increasing numbers of younger local men who go for foreign brides" are low-income, low-educated males who cannot afford to date a trophy wife, yet still cling on to a traditional burden to extend the family line. Even their counterparts i.e low-educated females, are unavailable to them, a product of a generation that has wild dreams to strike it big by marrying a rich man regardless of background. How do we explain then, the (increasing commonplace) female self-expectation of looking beautiful and dating the rich men if possible? Doesn't anyone find it strange that increasingly all the best-selling, romantic dramas from prospering nations in Asia involve love affairs with rich men e.g. Love (Taiwan), F4 (Taiwan, Japan, South Korea) etc.? I don't even want to go into Western ones! And I don't buy the notion that local women only WATCH these stuff but go for men with average incomes. It's the same on our side, men addicted to pornography actually dream of being part of the action.
Yes, the feminists can blame the patriarchal nature of society, and yes, they would have a point. But then seriously, I'd like to see the feminist groups do something productive without hurting any members of their own gender groups in the long term. If they can't, they can jolly well remain single or lesbian, and not complain about this issue.
Low-educated, low-income males have needs and desires to be fulfilled to. And as much as they don't blame local women for being drawn to economically powerful men, let's be fair and not blame them for being calculative when it comes to picking a wife. They don't need a trophy wife, witty conversation, and a proper example for their children. That will only mean high maintenance, when they do have their beer buddies, and live in a society with increasingly cheaper childcare services and well-paid teachers. They seek respect, sexual fulfillment, and a smiling face when they come home from work.
Globalization has made that alternative available with the law of supply and demand. They want a certain type of women which cannot be found locally, and foreign women are more willing to fit that mold.
And everyday, local women, rich or poor, see themselves in a more and more difficult position. The beautiful ones still stand a chance to get themselves impregnated by a rich guy (wa man tin, wa man tin) and the rich ones can still choose the "angmoh", but do note that even that number is, and has always been, limited. Furthermore, the government, with a stand widely known as economic pragmatism, is unlikely to put a stop to this flow, and might even encourage it if it's proven to bring more children.
Don't ask me how to solve it. I don't know. I won't like to be in your position anyhow. I'm just a low-income, average-educated male. But for me, society dictates that I still have a choice.
Local women have a choice too. Then again, when was contemporary marriage ever just one partner's choice?
Maybe, just maybe, local women don't really have a choice anymore.
Fervor is the weapon of choice of the impotent. -Frantz Fanon
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