To J.

I'm terribly sorry for making you feel like that. You are everything a hot-blooded male could wish for, but I'm not ready for a relationship now. Two years is a long time, and although I understand that it took you a lot of courage to come out from your shell, I haven't emerged from the mess of my own.


You told me that you are willing to do anything to make me happy, and you implied that you would change yourself into any woman that I desired. Additionally, as a friend Matt wanted the very best for me, for he did know that I was going through a period of loneliness in my life which, as you would know very well too, can be a torture to bear. In his zeal he tried to arrange things between us in a manner that any best friend would. But this is a trial which God has placed in my life, and there are certain principles which I cannot and will not break.


I have to admit that your confidence in a relationship with me is admirable. No, I'm no playboy, but there isn't anyone out there with the same sort of confidence, save for my mother. There were moments in my life when I believed so strongly in my own capacity to make the woman I love happy too, but this confidence has been worn away from the failed relationships in my own life, and I learned the very hard way to build them instead on Christ my Rock.




I've never rejected anyone in my life, at least not directly, and safe to say, none as beautiful as you are. Forgive me if this moment feels like a nightmare, given your qualities this rejection must be nearly impossible to swallow. After all, you have so many suitors that turning down offers for dates has nearly became tiring. Honestly, I've been trying very hard not to lead you on, but I would be a blind man to not see that you've had feelings for me for quite some time already. So tonight, I've made the painful decision to hurt you now rather than later. I would be lying to say that doing so hurts me as much as it hurts you, for there are few people in the world who are as familiar with, and fear the sorrow of rejection as much as myself.


Once again, I apologize for leading you on, if you ever felt so. I trust that you must have already felt quite strange given that most normal men would have leaped into action much earlier given the parade of subtle body language and verbal keys you have taken so much care in selecting to display. With regards to my self-control, it has been nothing less than divine intervention, especially around someone as attractive as you. But it does have to stop somewhere and somehow, before temptation seizes control of my actions.



These tears would eventually have to fall one day, but I wish I could show you a glimpse of the future to know that these tears are worth it in exchange for the tears of happiness I'm sure you will shed on your wedding day. You deserve a man who will love you enough to buy you the entire world if he could, and whom you would be more than willing to do anything to make him smile. I'm positive that for you, this day will come, and soon. Of even greater assurance, I dare say that if you could see for yourself the man God has prepared in advance specially for you, tonight will hold no regrets, for in every detail and feature he would be greater and more noble than I.


And if I may, I would like to introduce you one day to this God, this best friend of mine. He's been watching you ever since He created you with His own hands, and He's been eagerly looking forward to the day when you will come to know Him the way He'd love you to.


I'll be arranging the meeting soon. For now, just know and remember that He has the very best in store for you, and rest your hopes on that promise, for no one, and I say again, no one, loves you more than He does. +)





For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalms 139:13

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28