"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
I've to be strong, if only for her. I can't wallow in this misery. Self-condemnation will bring me nowhere. It makes her feel guilty, it makes me feel lousy about myself. I know that I hurt, and that's enough. I thank God that I still have emotions. The last time this happened, I told myself I'd never love again, until she came along and made loving oh so easy.
Now cynicism is poisoning my heart slowly, and the concrete walls are gradually forming around the perimeter of my heart. It's going to take a lot from me to ever fall in love again. But at least she's happy now. She has someone to love. For me, I must wait. I must be strong. I must I must I must, if only for her.
No more unhappy posts here for now. Just a story to end it all off.
There was once a small little boy, an average kid with nothing to boast about. Frail and thin, but he was happy. He loved playing soccer, and his favorite football star was Ronaldinho. Everyone in town loved Ronaldinho, especially the little boy. One day, the Brazilian team came to town to play, and the little boy managed to squeeze past all the townsfolk who were collecting autographs from Ronaldinho. But instead of asking for an autograph, he just stood in awe of the football star, speechless, unable to say anything, but very happy. The football star looked at the little boy, smiled, took off his jersey and gave it to him.
The little boy was so happy tears fell from his eyes. He treasured that jersey so much, and wore it everywhere he went. Now the townsfolk were jealous that he had their favorite superstar's jersey, and offered to buy it from him. But he refused, for the shirt just meant so much to him. One day, a few of the bullies in school decided to rip off his shirt since they couldn't have it. But he cling on to it tightly, refusing to let them snatch it. They hit him really hard, whacking and kicking him time and time again, successfully tearing a few gigantic holes in the jersey. But he refused to let go of the shirt, and finally they gave up and left.
There was the little boy lying on the floor, with sad little blue-black eyes fighting the tears as he stared at the remains of his tattered shirt. He held it close to him, hugged it, rubbed his face into it.
The next day, the townsfolk found the little boy lying behind the school compound, still hugging the tattered and torn jersey, but with a quiet yet eloquent smile on his face.
God gives everyone the gift to love. And sometimes people are jealous, sometimes circumstances make loving so difficult. Sometimes, you just want to let go of it to save yourself from the pain and the heartache, sometimes you want to give in and never love again. Can you hold on to love, even if it cost you your life? It cost Jesus His life.
Father, won't you tear down the concrete walls that are so rapidly building around my heart? Won't you heal it of the pessimism and cynicism that is poisoning it? The last time I felt this pain, it took me three years to learn how to love anyone again.
Father, don't shelve my love in a jar. Give me strength to hold on to love, even when I'm so badly crushed by the circumstances around me. Give me the courage to love again. Give me hope that I might be loved one day again. Please.
Smile, silly. Smile. Victor's not going to do silly things for you again. He's going to be happy because he wants you to be happy. And remember, he has never gone back on his word to you before. He's happy. And he'll still be there before the next teardrop falls. =")
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