Failing Gracefully

Recently, I've been asking God why He allows failures in people's lives. Some of these failures often have nothing seemingly beneficial in them, and to a large extent, hurt us deeply, scarring our souls and fostering deep pessimism within.

I'm someone who doesn't take failure too well. Though by His grace I've often managed to emerge stronger, wiser, more experienced and more determined to make the best out of it, often failure leaves me bitter and angry for long periods of time. I'm not someone to complain a lot, but if I do, I find that it usually has something to do with a failure that I have attributed to myself or to an inherent social, systemic bias that cannot be changed.

Do you believe that God can speak through a non-Christian? I would think that if He could speak through a donkey (Numbers 22:8), He could speak through anyone. And of all places, He spoke to me during Salsa class, when I'm intently focused on the instructors' movement.

My Salsa instructor was teaching us how to do an Open Break, which occurs when the guy pushes his partner perpendicular in front of his body so that she can turn around and catch hold of his outstretched hand. It's quite a flamboyant move. But while we were trying it out with the music, our instructor suddenly stopped everyone, and commented, "Guys, you have to be bold. This move requires you to push with more strength, and for the ladies, you must trust the guy to catch hold of you. It's a fantastic chance to show off some shines, look gorgeous, and attract the attention of the audience."

You know those type of moments when God smiles and doesn't say anything? He knows that He doesn't need to when you actually got the idea already. And at that moment, I did.

God is like the male dancer, who is responsible for thinking of the various moves to do; all the lady (the church or us Christians) has to do is follow. Every time He comes up with something, it is an opportunity for us to not just follow His lead but to show off how great a couple we are. And sometimes, when the music calls for it, God throws in a spanner. He pushes a little harder, something akin to the trials and failures that we have in our lives. Well, we may be caught off-guard, but nevertheless, we know what to do. The Bible is our instruction manual, and by reading it we know our footwork, when to turn, when to stretch out our hand for Him to catch hold of it, and bring us to balance again.

But the thing is this: What is our attitude after we realized that God has pushed us? Some of us become grumpy. No one really likes to be pushed around after all. We want our freedom, our rights, our just rewards etc., that comes from living the "good Christian life". But take a look at the big picture. The male dancer pushes his partner in this manner so that she has the opportunity to look good and confident! And if she does so, he looks good too, both of them look fantastic, and the dance will be a memorable, awesome one.

God allows trials and temptations, failures and disappointments, to come into our lives so that we can grab this opportunity to look good, for Him and for ourselves. This lesson resounded with what Desmond taught my senior DG just that afternoon.

In order to be real Christian men, we must learn to fail with grace.

It dawned on me why God allowed me to fail my driving test time and time again. I don't take failure too well. I don't know how to fail gracefully. I did not see that failure is one of the best opportunities to look good, both for God and for myself. My peers form the audience, watching me, watching God, watching us dance.

The next move for me must thus be this: How can I make God look good in my next failure?



Come to think about it, I should be grateful that it was a driving test that I failed, and not a relationship. The parallels are really frightening though.

First relationship lasted 3 months = Immediate failure in the circuit by the 3rd station. Did not even go onto the road.

Second relationship lasted 3+ years = Circuit was perfect, small accumulated errors on the road, but the immediate failure was no fault of my own, but of a bicycle that suddenly swerved onto the zebra crossing.

Third relationship lasted 3 months = Failed in the circuit at the 3rd station again, and two more immediate failures sealed my fate, even when the instructor gave me chances. Outside driving was perfect.

For those of you who have some inkling of my relationships, you'll agree that it is a frightening parallel.





But it's better late than never. Let's hope I don't fail either again. And if I do, remind me to stretch out my hand, knowing that He will catch me so I won't fall, and while doing so, do the most outrageous styling ever with the most radiant smile on my face.

So the world will know.








Sing to the LORD, for He has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. -Isaiah (Isaiah 12:5)

The LORD is my Light and my Salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the Stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? -David (Psalms 27:1)