Would You Know?

If some of you believe that only pure thoughts traveled through my mind, you're couldn't be more wrong. Very often, I feel what Lady Gaga feels.

3 times in my life, I've felt such unbelievable anger coarse through my veins. Every time, I'm left feeling more inadequate than ever, and the inadequacy resides most solidly in areas that society does not allow me to advance, at least for the moment. The things that I had more of, meant nothing to you. The things that he had more of, meant the world to you. Even if the former far outweighed the latter, it was the latter that you valued. And that was all the fighting chance I had.

Sometimes, jealousy eats a man's soul. At times, I allow it to fester, like termites nibbling away at dead wood, and before I know it my imagination becomes soul-less. And the following images suddenly appear in front of my eyes:

With my knowledge of social structures and constraints, I can adequately play the system to my advantage.
With my ability to consume literature at lightning pace and learn various skills quickly, I can pick up any skill to advance in life.
With my gift for changing my personality to suit any situation, I can fit into any desired role that would provide me with advantages.
With my leadership abilities, it would be chicken feed to climb the corporate ladder with ease and influence subordinates.

I've dreamed of working so hard that I'll be the world's richest man, a hundred times richer than he'll ever dream of being, or he'll ever be. And you'll be seeing my face on poster-boards, hearing my voice on the television, and seeing my products everywhere.

Because even if the slightest of possibilities were true, that he was really more gifted than me in all the above, I have one advantage. Determination and ambition. And it's thanks to you.

How angsty and arrogant all these sound! But unlike Lady Gaga, in reality I've chosen to go the other way. With talents like these, it would be pointless to argue with God that I'm a 2-talent man when He knows full well that I'm a 5-talent man. Doing the above however, is equivalent to gaining back 1 or 2 more talents. I'm going for the 100% profit of 5-talents, and nothing less.

But sometimes, I think to myself: Should you ever see me in the future, leading the life of someone financially ordinary, will you think to yourself that you were right all along? Would it ever cross your mind that it was because I purposefully gave up the opportunities to financially "make it big in life" and not because I was never really good enough?




And it's nights like these when I begin to reconsider throwing away the potential to conquer the entire earth.






Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. -Solomon (Proverbs 16:32)