Church Camp

There have been many calls for testimonies regarding the church camp, be it during the closing night, main service or youth service. I see that many people have been touched by it: more people than ever are believing in revival, greater bonds are being forged both inter and intra-congregation, and faith is being build up.

It's also heartening to see Richard go up and share his testimony, especially since he's made a point to take more initiative to do the things he knows he should. I've witnessed (and am still witnessing) fantastic progress in his growth and faith; it won't be long before he surpasses many of the old-timers in the youth.

However, I cannot say the same for myself this church camp. I don't have any positive testimonies or words of encouragement for people. Instead, I've more questions than ever.

I get extremely uneasy when I hear sermons on blessings. And a large portion of Pastor Andy's sermons were based on the privileges, benefits etc. of unity in Christ. He started off on familiar ground, talking about the need for unity in Christ and Biblical evidences of Christian duty as such. Fair enough, I'm 100% behind that. However, when he begins to talk about privileges, blessings and benefits of being united, I suddenly feel a huge obstacle impeding my understanding. In a flash, the theme of the church camp simply disappeared from the sermon topics, and replacing it was many stories of how faith in God was compensated by blessings. To add to my self-righteous disgust, 99% of it was about money.

In addition, Richard, Dominick and myself spent quite some time talking about how we communicated with God. No lack of interesting conversational material when you're in the company of good friends like them. Among the things discussed was how Dominick was blessed by God with numerous things he desired (of which most of them he would admit were pretty superficial items) such as and iPod, iMac, miraculous changing of fast food menus etc. You really have to ask him to tell you all his amazing stuff. He just reminded God that he really didn't like to spend money, but would like these things, and voila, God answered him by blessing him wonderfully.

To me such stories are fabulous to listen to, for in some way or another, they strengthen one's faith and drive the listeners to seek God for themselves in a deeper, more intimate manner. And there are way too many stories of how God has blessed His flock by answering many of their hearts' desires.

But one thing I don't get.

God shows no predictable pattern of how He blesses people. Preachers like John Bevere have expounded on how obedience leads to blessings. Honoring your parents, obeying your superiors, working with all your heart, avoiding temptation are actions that are directly in accordance to the Word of God, and pleases Him. The divine order (quoting Pastor Lawrence) that God has set up in this world will ensure that we are blessed when we obey these rules.

Somehow tell me how come so many who've lived with unbelievably passionate adherence to the Word of God died such horrible deaths?

Forgive my Pharisee-like mindset, but I also know plenty of people who are simply Christians by name and pagan by actions have numerous prayers answered, especially prayers for blessings on themselves, with no intention to share them as alleged by their after-actions.


With such stories, I can only conclude that there is no way one can ever predict how God bestows blessings. This is very much in accordance with what I strongly believe in, for when was God ever the god of fortune or the god of prosperity that we might follow the Bible like some mechanical manual to twist God's arm into getting what we want? When was His sense of justice ever similar to my sense of justice? I don't understand the fairness behind the parable of the workers' wages nor the parable of the prodigal son, so what makes me think that I will ever figure out the conditions by which He showers His blessings or not?

Then again, I am pointed back to verses like Matthew 7:7-8, Psalms 37:4 and 1 John 5:14 which clearly indicate that God answers prayers, with conditions like seeking His righteousness first, in accordance with His will etc. How then do we explain fair-weathered Christians asking for a sports car and getting it? How can we ever know that asking for something materialistic, selfish will be according to His will?



Under the bombardment of such questions, I thus decided a long time ago that I won't ask God for material things that I deem stem from selfish desires. And I don't. Over the years I have cultivated a spirit of immense contentment with my circumstances and channeled all discontentment to myself in order to drive motivation for self-improvement. And when I hear how God blesses other Christians so richly especially in terms of material gains, I try to be happy for them, even if I think their conduct is terribly undeserving of such blessings. I tell myself that I must not be one of those bloody Pharisees comparing religious standards, for only God knows the heart. But given long enough, I often have the balls to think that God could be repeatedly making serious mistakes with His judgment.


Then again, I have two friends repeatedly asking why I can't ever seem to understand that I have the right to desire good things from God simply because of my status as a child of God. I don't get it. There are a ton of people out there who claim to be children of God, and He's blessing them so much, while leaving the extremely zealous and faithful disciples to die under persecution in third world countries for their faith without so much as to answering the prayers of their supporters for safe release!



Pray tell me, how can I ever ask for something materialistic or monetary without feeling undeserving or like a hypocrite?




Should that be impossible, pray teach me, how can I stop being envious of how others are claiming their sonships by asking and receiving for material gains way beyond what is needed to live?





You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. -David (Psalms 145:16-17)