Today was one of those exceptional days for me when I know that God is speaking to me.
I haven't been able to hear His voice for so long that I've almost suffered a spiritual depression. It was silly to expect to surely hear His voice during youth camp, but there were only traces of it, if nothing at all.
But God always shows up at unexpected places. On this occasion, it was the toilet at the dentist's office. On the wall of the cubicle was the poem Footprints in the Sand. I've read the poem uncountable times, nonetheless, the words shouted out this time.
Then an analogy came to me.
May is a girl who loves flowers, and was expecting her boyfriend Max to buy her some on her birthday. She's been additionally nice to him, and she's hinted way too many times that she really likes daisies. On the big day, Max doesn't even turn up, any worse still, he doesn't even pick up his cell phone. When he eventually returns her miss calls late in the afternoon, he cites fatigue, an excuse she finds extremely lame. So she barricades herself in her room and refuses to come out of it, much less talk to anyone, preferring to sulk and wallow in self-pity. Little had she known that if she had looked out of the window, she would have discovered the reason for Max's fatigue: Her entire garden is filled with daises dancing in the wind, newly planted the night before her birthday.
I feel like May right now, and I wonder so many times in the course of the past few days whether my inability to hear His voice is based on my rebellion and sulking. I'm beginning to be consumed by the thought that obedience doesn't pay off, and at the same time feel guilty for my lack of faith and my warped belief of a capitalistic nature of His justice. It's demoralizing to have to convince myself that I haven't looked out of the window yet, and at the same time trying to content myself with thoughts such as, "Wow the chicken rice stall is open today! I can save some money by having my $2 chicken rice! God is good!" when it has been open everyday without fail. I know my God is better than that, and that sometimes good things are worth waiting for, but at the back of my mind, all the good things that I want are slowly fading away in front of my eyes.
Anyway, I had my 4th teeth extraction which went very smoothly today. Hopefully that gets rid of the monthly toothaches. Come to think about it, I've lost more teeth then some of the street hooligans. Thank God for small mouths, now I'm $420 dollars poorer. I'm quite sure I can get the iPhone 4G for that amount of money.
I'm currently reading a book by Joshua Harris, the author of the Christian bestseller "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". Bought the book "Boy Meets Girl" on impulsion because of a Tecman discount, now I'm regretting it. It's mainly written for couples already in love and finding if theirs is a godly relationship.
Finally, it sucks to know that I didn't have to kiss dating goodbye. It kissed me goodbye and walked out of my life.
To those men who think that being single was better than being attached, you forget one thing. There's "single and actively dating" and "single with no chance of being hooked up". The latter cannot, in any way, share in the lawns considered to contain the greener grass.
What's further embarrassing and guilty-striking is the insane number of complains in my last few blog posts. Sigh.
Hell is oneself, hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections. There is nothing to escape from and nothing to escape to. One is always alone. -T.S. Eliot
If I say, 'I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,' I still dread all my sufferings, for I know you will not hold me innocent. -Job 9:26-28
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