Church camp was great! Pastor Lawrence is a great speaker, the unorthodox type; I love his style. The message was clear and straight-forward, easy to grasp, and never boring. People came forth for altar calls, rededicated their lives back to Jesus, resumed an active prayer life, rediscovered the passion for QT, and grasped the concept of "being in the desert" with God.
The most exciting thing for me was that my prayers were being answered right in front of my eyes. Since the beginning of this year, I have been praying for revival in St. Matthew's every night. But as time went by, nothing happened, at least from what I could see, and my heart had grown slightly disappointed. Nonetheless, I gained confidence from the testimonies of people who prayed for their church and nation for twenty years before revival came about, and these short stories gave me hope and kept me on my knees. And now this! Amazing! God is good! He didn't keep me and all the others who must have been desiring for this revival waiting very long, in six months a glimmer of hope is on the horizon.
But now we must keep our eyes open for the attacks by the devil. He won't like this much, and I bet he'll do everything to keep this revival from ever occurring. It'll be unwise to stop praying now and be complacent because of the victory of just one battle. For evidence, the history of St. Matthew's for over the last twenty years is littered with countless losses. Regardless, I'm trusting God to make this work.
Over the past few days, I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. It's those kind of days when I'm so happy that I'm being fed nourishing, delicious spiritual food after a long starvation, yet plagued by the fear that this is simply a one-time off event, a momentary high that last just for those three, four days. I confided to my roommates of my secret fear, the fear that this flame will not last, and even be extinguished by the disappointments from reminders of sky-high hopes that failed to materialize over my teenage years. I hate being disappointed, I hate failing, and most of all I hate being reminded of them.
This emotional roller coaster ride is taking it's toll on me. For example, right after coming home from the camp, I felt that I had to remind Nicholas of his arrogance. I don't know how to do it without sounding arrogant myself, but I also don't want him to have his ego shattered the way God shattered mine just so that he will learn it the hard way. So I just told it in his face, and as expected, he didn't take it very well. Tension increased, tempers flared, insults were fired. Suddenly the blissful feeling from the camp just vanished. I switched on my laptop, went straight to Facebook to play Restaurant City and Mousehunt again, and suddenly a gripping thought flashed through my mind.
Nothing has changed.
The challenge now is how to bring whatever that was learned and apply them into practice. While sitting on the nice comfy chair at the hotel's function room, anyone and everyone can imagine and dream of revival in church. But when we all come back to "Sunny Singapore" and back to our normal lives, how easy is it to sink back into our old ways, as if nothing had happened! No, it must not be this way. Initiative must be taken, difficult measures must be implemented, complete obedience must be fostered.
But something is weighing down on me heavily. My feet feel like a ton of steel has been riveted around it. I suspect it's sin, but it isn't. I take a glance downwards to double-check, and I can't believe what I see.
A fragmented mirror-screen, reflecting two decades of failures and loneliness back at me.
The most exciting thing for me was that my prayers were being answered right in front of my eyes. Since the beginning of this year, I have been praying for revival in St. Matthew's every night. But as time went by, nothing happened, at least from what I could see, and my heart had grown slightly disappointed. Nonetheless, I gained confidence from the testimonies of people who prayed for their church and nation for twenty years before revival came about, and these short stories gave me hope and kept me on my knees. And now this! Amazing! God is good! He didn't keep me and all the others who must have been desiring for this revival waiting very long, in six months a glimmer of hope is on the horizon.
But now we must keep our eyes open for the attacks by the devil. He won't like this much, and I bet he'll do everything to keep this revival from ever occurring. It'll be unwise to stop praying now and be complacent because of the victory of just one battle. For evidence, the history of St. Matthew's for over the last twenty years is littered with countless losses. Regardless, I'm trusting God to make this work.
Over the past few days, I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. It's those kind of days when I'm so happy that I'm being fed nourishing, delicious spiritual food after a long starvation, yet plagued by the fear that this is simply a one-time off event, a momentary high that last just for those three, four days. I confided to my roommates of my secret fear, the fear that this flame will not last, and even be extinguished by the disappointments from reminders of sky-high hopes that failed to materialize over my teenage years. I hate being disappointed, I hate failing, and most of all I hate being reminded of them.
This emotional roller coaster ride is taking it's toll on me. For example, right after coming home from the camp, I felt that I had to remind Nicholas of his arrogance. I don't know how to do it without sounding arrogant myself, but I also don't want him to have his ego shattered the way God shattered mine just so that he will learn it the hard way. So I just told it in his face, and as expected, he didn't take it very well. Tension increased, tempers flared, insults were fired. Suddenly the blissful feeling from the camp just vanished. I switched on my laptop, went straight to Facebook to play Restaurant City and Mousehunt again, and suddenly a gripping thought flashed through my mind.
Nothing has changed.
The challenge now is how to bring whatever that was learned and apply them into practice. While sitting on the nice comfy chair at the hotel's function room, anyone and everyone can imagine and dream of revival in church. But when we all come back to "Sunny Singapore" and back to our normal lives, how easy is it to sink back into our old ways, as if nothing had happened! No, it must not be this way. Initiative must be taken, difficult measures must be implemented, complete obedience must be fostered.
But something is weighing down on me heavily. My feet feel like a ton of steel has been riveted around it. I suspect it's sin, but it isn't. I take a glance downwards to double-check, and I can't believe what I see.
A fragmented mirror-screen, reflecting two decades of failures and loneliness back at me.
Someone pass me a hammer. And get me some bandages.
I live in a mirror, one that’s made of broken glass
My thoughts and body are distorted into a giant blackened mass
My eyes do not see clearly what I have to give to life
My spirit swims in search of hope, but is drowned with all the strife
I plead humbly for help from somewhere up above
But I feel so abandoned, and unworthy of His love
When will my pain and suffering end its battle fought too long?
When will my soul be filled with peace and sing life’s beautiful sweet song?
Please help me God break from this squeezing deathly grip
Please calm the sea and be the Captain of my ship
-Taken from an anti-anorexia blog
The next time the Devil reminds you of your past, you remind him of his future. -Lawrence Seow
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. -Paul (Rom 8:1)
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