To My Dad

To the man who has by far the most impact on my life, a blessed birthday with many more to come.

I'm reminded of one of the discussion periods during the church retreat when groups of about eight to ten people gathered to talk about what the speaker had just expounded on. I recall Uncle Lester complaining mildly about how his children don't obey what his wife and himself have told them anymore, and how in some sense they have given up on even disciplining their children. Honestly, I was secretly gasping when he recounted of stories of how his son would bring his food into the room to study and eat at the same time, or of how his daughter would lock her door when studying so that the parents won't disturb. Maybe he was exaggerating, maybe he wasn't. But whatever the case, the overemphasis on the importance of studying was slowly eroding the family bonds.

My dad would never allow me to do these things. Bringing food into the room was a nono since the day I was born, and I never had my own room to lock anyway. Dad had brought home the bacon and Mum had taken pains to cook it, so we were to accord them the basic respect of eating together. Studying was made secondary to the family meal, and the collaborated saying of grace ritualized. From some perspectives, it can even be seen as harsh, but I've gotten use to these rules. Especially towards the last few years, my dad's temper has simmered down a lot, and the days when he would discipline us without much explanation were long gone. Now, at least for myself, I can tell that he loves us children very much, but still lets everyone know who's the boss in the family.

As the years passed, my dad became my close friend. I don't share everything with him; different things are meant to be shared with different people. But I would say he knows a big chunk of the things most intimate to me. He always gives godly advice, and I appreciate that, though often they are hard things to do. I enjoy the long conversations with my dad, of him recounting tales of his past, about his influential grandfather whom he always admired, about the woman he loves so dearly with all his heart, and the God whom he fears respectfully and obeys faithfully. Occasionally he would lull into a "naggy" disposition, but I don't mind hearing the same things over and over again.

Given his extremely stubborn independence, I fear much for him. As the years go by, I watch the strands of silver-white hair increase exponentially, his limbs weaken, his voice tone down. The man I once reckoned as the strongest man in the world, who beats Superman hands down because of the "mouse" in his biceps, is growing more and more frail. He walks slower now, with a cane or walking stick when the distance is long, and pauses on the stairs frequently. Parkinson's Disease seems to swallow the calmness of his demeanor, yet his aura is stately. He is, without a doubt, the man whom I learned visually and from a first-hand basis what true charisma really was.

And now, I'm beginning to worry. I'm worried that one day, he's going to end up in a wheelchair, as the polio that he had struggled with his whole life takes on its toil. I'm worried that one day, he's going to overwork himself as I consider joining ministry and someone has to pay the university fees of my brothers. I'm worried that one day, if I should die in a freak accident, that he'll collapse emotionally.

For those of you whose dads are still alive and well, don't take him for granted. Pastor Lawrence mentioned that God loves us unconditionally, but bestows favor conditionally. We can't disobey and expect God to bless us abundantly. Obedience is the sure way to gain God's favor. But let us take it one step further. If there's one thing I learned about God through my relationship with my dad, it's this: Take initiative to do the things that you know he enjoys seeing you do for Him. That requires a certain intimacy with God. I didn't know the things my dad enjoyed, until I got to know him as a close friend. Now that I do, I take initiative to do things for him most of the time. That's why among the three of us brothers, I can't say for sure that my dad loves me the most, but I dare say that he trusts me the most when it comes to the large majority of things.

Imagine, if obedience brings God's favor, what are the wondrous possibilities of blessings that can come our way if we take initiative to do things for God without Him even asking?










Before a man can devote himself to God or to a woman, a boy will devote himself to his father, even foolishly, even beyond explanation. -Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven

If there is one thing my dad demonstrated to me about chivalry, it is this: You can't recognize a true gentleman until poverty overcomes him. Don't assume one is a gentleman unless you see him buy everyone drinks without hesitation even after he has lost his job and his bank account is near zero. Don't assume the man you love is a gentleman if his temper fluctuates with his wealth, but like he promised on his wedding day: for richer and for poorer. And most of all, don't assume the man you admire is a gentleman, unless he loves you the way Christ loves the church, being able to give up everything for you, including his own life. Poverty, dear sister, is what differentiates the heart of a true gentleman from the overrated lifestyle vied among wannabes. -Valentino Casanova