Some people always want to be blessed by God. They'll do all sorts of things like tithe a bit more, take up a few more ministries in church, stop swearing so often etc. Well, this post is not about a debate about how useful doing all this things are. I always tell people that you can fool some of the other gods, but not God.
From a different perspective, sometimes we can have blessings thrown onto our lap and not know whether to accept them! Yes, I bet you think I'm weird now. After all, who doesn't want blessings?
I, for one, don't really ask for personal blessings. But let me tell you my dilemma.
I have an extremely nice supervisor. His name is Professor Michael Hill and he's REALLY nice. He looks like Santa Claus, with the red nose included, and always chuckles. (I'm beginning to think he might just be Santa Claus). We share a huge interest in the Sociology of Religion, and he always tells me about his stories. A brilliant man, he always recommends great articles highly relevant to the thesis I'm starting my research on now.
So, one meeting, I briefly mentioned that I might be interested in furthering my studies in the Sociology of Religion, with the added dimension of faith-based welfare organizations. I also mentioned that I come from a pretty middle-class family, not one of the 8.5% of Singaporeans who are millionaires, and that my parents are retiring soon, which means that I have to take over as the breadwinner of the family within the next few years. I also briefly hinted that doing Masters in NUS would be pretty boring, and that I would rather go out to work if given a choice.
The conversation more or less ended there, with him giving advice on looking out for certain universities in Australia. I didn't think much of it either, busying myself with the upcoming deadlines.
Then came an email in my NUS inbox, and behold, he had fired letters to quite a handful of universities in UK, Australia, New Zealand, asking if there was a studentship for Masters or Ph.Ds with regards to faith-based welfare organizations and the Sociology of Religion. Apparently, he's quite a renowned academic, and received positive replies in no time. Among them was this fantastic opportunity:
http://geography.exeter.ac.uk/geography/postgraduate/value_added.shtml
It's a fully funded Ph.D in Human Geography in a renowned university located in one of the most beautiful towns in UK. 9th in UK, two ranks behind LSE and ahead of other famous institutions like King's College, Edinburgh, Glasgow and Manchester, the University of Exeter is one of the most prestigious research universities for the Sociology of Religion.
3 years, and I'll be Dr. Hui, at only 28 years old too! Plus, I'll get to study a discipline and work in a field that I'm really interested in. I'll get to travel around in UK, visit my parents' friends, experience snow for the first time, study Christian theology too. Maybe I'll even get to visit the Loch Ness and see the legendary monster, roam the streets of London, visit museums and castles, ride a white horse on the meadows and pick up the British and Cockney accent like my parents once did. Awesome right?
Wrong.
Firstly, God hasn't replied me as to whether He would like me to go yet.
Secondly, a Ph.D is a huge over-qualification, especially for such a field as mine. Maybe I'll get a job as the next NKF director, because I don't really like golden taps.
Thirdly, my parents are retiring within 3 years, and Andrew's pay at Mediacorp is peanuts. Who's going to feed the family?
Fourth, I would like to get attached and married soon. I'm already a year late from getting married at my target age of 23. If I studied first, came home, found a nice girl, dated for two years and settled down, I'll be what... 31? I still want some hair in my wedding photos, thanks.
Fifth, the cost of living in UK is super high. Although my school fees will be totally covered and there's no bond, but the lodging, food, clothing, miscellaneous... That will all be horrendously heavy on my family's treasury.
Sixth, I'm going to miss all my friends and family members in Singapore. Big time. Big, big time.
Seventh, it sucks going alone. Admit it. At least when Andrew was considering Mass Communications in Australia,Thomas was there, and he had some other friends who might have been going, I think. (Tams, you want to study Masters at LSE or not?! Then again, that's only one year. Sianz. Do Ph.D leh! I'll be your Dan Humphrey until you find your Chuck Bass.)
Eighth, I am sure that I will miss Singaporean food. And my dad's taste-saturated dishes. And mum's lovely home-cooked food. And Andrew's experimental pastries. And Nick's extremely unhealthy and high-class culinary. I'm not looking forward to eating my own cooking there, as palatable and edible as it is.
Ninth, I'm REALLY going to miss Singaporean girls. I can't emphasize this enough. Yes, even if they are extremely feminist ones like Chloe Fong who keeps saying that guys are inferior. And no, I haven't been on an official date for nearly a year already. But I bet I'm still going to miss it.
Lastly, I still want to send you flowers every year. White roses, with a tinge of the freshness of April spring.
See. Sometimes blessings can be huge headaches.
I bet some of you hate me now.
What I'm looking for is a blessing not in disguise. -Kitty O'Neill Collins
The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. -Eric Hoffer
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