Tears In Japan

Let me tell you what a miracle is.

The team had just finished their meeting today, and everyone was busy unpacking into the splendid room that the church gave us to sleep in. I had just finished sharing the devotion for the day, and was feeling a little emo, and gradually the feeling just got worse. I kept brooding about her, thinking about her, praying for her, and even asking God to take away the pain, the hurt and my terrible lack of patience. Neither did I feel like talking to anyone about it, though encouragement came in various ways from different people.

Just then, as I felt so crushed from emotion and so alone, 4 men barged into the room. They were the church members whom I made such good friends with the last time I came to the church. All ranging from 35-45 years old, they were brothers, and they had came late at night specially to visit me. Teasing me and recalling the time I jokingly said I wanted to be the next president of Singapore, suddenly one of them remembered that I could sing, and asked for a song.

It was a shocking moment for me. I nearly couldn't say anything from embarrassment, but they goaded me on till I picked up Annabelle, and they cheered. Deciding to get everyone involved, I asked for everyone's cooperation, including Hansheng who was there, to sing "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever" with me. I played and sang the English version, the rest of them sang the Japanese version. The feeling was oh so wonderful, and even till they laughed, talked and joked around for the next half an hour or so, then left, my mind was still on her, on God, but I felt so much at peace. God truly works in miraculous ways! Even as I'm blogging, I'm in disbelief that at the moment I was feeling so low during this trip, God brought 4 men who can hardly speak a word of English to barge into the room, sing songs of praise with me, and encourage me on.

A beautiful miracle to me. Thanks for the prayers everyone. +)

Oh, and just as the team was travelling to the church, I was reading this beautiful book by Philip Yancey called "Disappoinment with God". It was a book that I wanted to pass to Ilango when his dad passed away, but I forgot, and decided to bring it to Japan as reading material that had information regarding the way I felt. This passage struck me so hard, I couldn't help but weep in my heart non-stop.

This is God's burning anger and jealousy towards His people through the prophets:
"I'll tell you how I feel! I feel like a jilted lover. I found my lover thin and wasted, abused, but I brought home and made her beauty shine. She is my precious one, the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and I lavish on her gifts and love. And yet she forsakes me. She pants after my best friends, my enemies - anyone. She stands by a highway and under every spreading tree and, worse than a prostitute, she pays people to have sex with her. I feel betrayed, abandoned, cuckolded."

A month ago, this passage won't have meant anything to me. However, starting from that day and for a long time, this paragraph is going to rip my heart to shreds. I have absolutely nothing righteous to feel regarding my own situation, which can hardly parallel anything to what God feels. But the pain nearly killed me. It is beyond me how God can forgive. I still can't believe that everytime I sin, it's like doing this to God.

And God, I don't want You to hurt. The pain is unbearable. No Lord, don't cry. Please don't cry.