Not Me But God

Praise God, I finally passed my driving test! (With the maximum number of points i.e. borderline pass) I'm so really happy today! *Does a little dance, jiggling around the room, hopping like a silly frog*


Sometimes I'm puzzled by God's erratic timing, and the lessons He desires me to learn through every ordeal that I'm placed under. Every single driving test means so much to me because of the amount of (my parents') money, time and heartache invested into it. Most of my friends told me that it is only when you go in with a Devil-may-care attitude then only will you pass, but I never found myself able to do so because of the high costs involved.


As part of the usual self-evaluation that I do after every event in my life, the success of this test drove me to think: What did I do differently from the other earlier tests? My own answers appeared to be shocking.

I didn't pray as hard.
I didn't improve on my QT in any significant manner.
I didn't think so much or so often about the test.
I didn't talk to so many people about the test.
I didn't promise God anything in exchange for success.
I didn't mentally prepare myself that much.
I only attended two driving classes before the test.

In addition, the other factors considered were:
My final tester was one of the strictest testers the school could offer.
I was stupid enough to burn out my calf muscles during gym two days before the test, especially the left leg which steps on the pedal.
The traffic both on the road and in the circuit was much heavier and more aggressive.
The weather was much hotter and more uncomfortable.
It was the only test which the E-brake was actually tested.



In addition, upon receiving an notification of my success and my thanksgiving to God, a close non-Christian friend of mine casually made this remark. "You also prayed so hard the last three times, no difference what. You might as well have prayed to me." Of course, he meant it as a joke, but it did set me thinking for a little while. Is God real? If He was, why did He not grant me success earlier so as to glorify Himself among my friends, instead choosing to delay it and making my thanksgiving seem like religious rhetoric?


The faith God has given me has served as a worthy shield against the fiery arrows of doubt, but under constant volleys, often I wonder what God wants to instruct me about this time.




And often I'm reminded about a simple fact that my thick skull has found so difficult to absorb. That it is not up to me, but up to God. He will always have the final say. As much as I try, I'll never be able to buy more favor with increased frequency of prayers, more Bible memory verses, or more sacrifices of time and energy in ministry. Because I don't have to.




I wonder how this translates into my love life, given how my earlier 3 driving tests have paralleled in an uncanny manner the three romantic relationships I've had.



4th time blessed. Let's wait and see. +)







Faith is a reasoning trust, a trust which reckons thoughtfully and confidently upon the trustworthiness of God. -John R. Stott

See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed. -God (Isaiah 28:16)