The Mathematical Law of True Faith

Suppose we take f to be the function of true faith,
and we take x to be the representative of any random number or type of circumstance,
and we let A represent our human expectations of God's providence,
and we let B represent the eventual outcome as divinely planned,
then we have the mathematical law:

f:x [A -> B]

In an ideal situation (which someone only seems to occur only occasionally) we see that A = B.
But whenever A is not equal to B, B>A for all x, even when B = 0.


References: Romans 8:28
Acknowledgment: A random conversation late at night with Fellow Prince and my future wife who is still being hidden either by a divine veil or an immense geographical distance

This is what my mind produces when extremely bored and needing a break from an absurd number of impenetrable Sociology readings.



Despite of all the problems it gives to me, I always thank God for my imagination. For my imagination enjoys going wild, concocting the most stupendous dreams and causing me to inflate the variable A into immense proportions. However, let it be my testimony that no matter what happened or will happen, God has and will always ensure that B>A in every step of my journey with Him.







It is no sin for the Christian pilgrim to dream big and expect more. On the contrary, dreaming big challenges God to outdo your own imagination and gives Him an opportunity to demonstrate His power, which in the end can only reinforce our faith in His absolute wisdom. -Valentino Casanova

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Anonymous (Heb 11:1)

Being Like Jesus

From the way I socialize with others, some people think that I'm a "people-person". I wasn't actually born a "people-person", and to a significant extent I still ain't. I can live without computer games, the Internet, books and interesting company for quite some time, but I rarely make it through a few hours without being by myself. Some people think it's me being emo. For me, I just have to have that precious time to reflect, think about my life, and selfishly talk to God about ME: MY future, MY problems, MY welfare etc. Okay, it's not THAT bad, but it does take up a huge portion of the conversation topic.

There are people who say that Jesus was a "people-person". I don't disagree. But to say that that was His primary identity would be a huge mistake. Jesus was first and foremost a "God-person". There were times when He just had to be alone, even quite suddenly, in the middle of ministry work. His disciples probably labeled such abrupt occasions as "He's Emo-ing". They had probably found it strange, especially in the beginning, that He should just walk away from their company or the ministry work.

Of course, I am making no such claims to parallel Jesus. Given that among His common conversation topics with God through prayer, only 10% was about Himself (John 17); I'm still a long way off. But at least it makes me feel more comfortable about the pressure of not being a "people-person", and justifies a little about my own emo-periods where I just HAVE to get away from the world and hide in my little closet where it's just God and me.





The next big step for my QT: Waking at 6.30 in the morning.




Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. -Psalms 143:8

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. -Mark 1:35

Oh The Anguish!

Love is what makes life a reality, not just a transcending moment.
Love is what makes people real, not just zombies passing by.
Love is what renders priceless a gift, puts a face to an act of love, transforms garble into poetry, bends the mathematical laws of time, and catalyzes orgasmic explosions upon physical contact.



What happens then, when love dies?

Then the pains serves as a reminder to us that we are alive. What else could explain the void so deep, besides that we once gave everything of ourselves to another?

No, wait. We gave more than everything of ourselves. We gave our past and our future. The present, right now, is simply a snapshot of the entire film that makes up our life. The pain of the present can only be a futile attempt at interpreting the identity of the lonesome figure in the photograph. And that photograph is everything that is left.



Please don't burn the remainder of tape away.






I know you feel betrayed. You feel betrayed of not your friendship, but of love. It's the worse feeling that a human could ever go through. How do I know? My own experience of betrayal is not adequate enough to make so bold a statement.

But imagine it. The greatest pain that was inflicted on Jesus came not the nails that pierced His hands and feet. Neither was it from the crown of thorns on His head, nor the lashings that He received before climbing Golgotha.

The greatest pain came from the acts of betrayal from those closest to Him: Peter, Judas, and the millions of souls including you and I, whose countless sins weighed on His heart as He hung on the cross.

Some say that a betrayal of love is like a blunt knife stabbing through the heart, then a twisting of the blade, a conservative estimate of a few hundred rounds, before a mocking kick to the head and a spat on the face.

That's not too far from the truth. And three times was enough to demolish even the most foolhardy, stubborn, die-heart romantic will of my belief in love.




Imagine what He went through on Calvary.








It was enough to make God turn His face away from His Son so that the angels would not see Him cry.








When lovely woman stoops to folly, and finds too late that men betray, what charm can soothe her melancholy, what art can wash her guilt away? -Oliver Goldsmith

My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? -Jesus (Matt 27:46 KJV)

The Chosen Ones

Some of the most wonderful story-lines in books and movies are adapted based on the concept of the "Chosen Ones". The Lord of the Rings, where Aragorn and Frodo each are chosen, one as a king and another as a savior. The Matrix, where Neo is also the chosen savior of mankind from the machines. Even the X-men, where their powers automatically place them as "Chosen Ones" differentiated from the rest of humankind.

Today Vicar briefly mentioned this verse from Matthew 22:14,

Many are called, but few are chosen. (NKJV)

I never really took notice of this verse. Taking a theological stance similar to that of Calvin's concept of predestination i.e. that God has already chosen those who'll join Him in the kingdom to come, I usually left it as that. I mean, what can one do about this? If God chooses, then who am I to argue?

During cell group however, my mind was flinching. Could there be another intepretation?

So I went home, looked up other translations of this verse. I like Eugene Peterson's The Message version the best:

That's what I mean when I say, "Many get invited; only a few make it."

Now, that makes more sense to me. Immediately what came to mind was Singapore Idol. One thing that the judges look out for, is the desire to win. They want contestants that'll fight hard, keep on improving, who are creative and willing to experiment with new things, whose minds are firmly set on the prize.

Of course, I can't totally reject the theology of predestination, after all it's in Romans 8 and Ephesians 1. But using my "sanctified imagination", as Vicar likes to call it, I think God anoints and reserves special blessings for those who "make the cut". And I don't think He has a regional quota e.g. Must have 20 from Singapore, 500 from USA, 300 from Korea, or goes by a clear, definable quality standard e.g. must be married, read Bible everyday, pray 3 times a day etc. But one thing I know for sure, He only selects the very best.

God's criteria is often much different from the criteria that the world gives. I think God knows the hearts and struggles of every believer around the world, and I'm sure He contextualizes His blessings to the needs and wants of those He chooses to anoint. To be honest, I was constantly drifting on and off from the last 15 minutes of cell group material after that thought. In my mind was one big question, am I good enough to be chosen? Have I trained hard enough, is my character well-tested enough, am I suited for the sufferings and hardships that will come my way? Most importantly, deep inside me, do I really want to win?



I don't want to simply be one of those called or invited. I want to be one of those chosen. Some say if you call yourself a Christian, you're chosen.



I don't think so. I think God has much higher standards than those that the church in Singapore today offers.




I want to be among the Chosen Ones. I want to be told "Alright, you're through to the next round."




The question now is: How?




Many are called, but few are chosen. There are sayings of Christ which suggest that the Church He came to establish will always be a minority affair. -Edward Norman

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. -God (Isaiah 48:10 KJV)

Inscribed on My Maker's Hands

Here I am, sitting and nua-ing in front of the sanctuary's computer surfing the internet. 3 more hours before Singing class commences. These few days have been pretty exhausting, thanks to consecutive late nights, long periods of contact lens wearing, and wearing myself out at the gym. Didn't help that there was worship practice this morning, where half the band was made up of last-minute backup musicians.

Have you ever been so tired that you could even fall asleep on your knees while praying? That's been happening the past few nights, with my mind wandering off into Lala-land even as I mumble through the prayers like a ritual. Then I'd end up feeling guilty, wondering why I even bothered to offer God my time and words when they're given so half-heartedly.

Temptation has been hitting hard this week. It's like the little demons you thought were exorcised months ago have decided to come back to haunt you. They leave in bulk, and they return in busloads. They departed sulking and screaming revenge, but you never thought they'd make good their vengeful declarations.

As my spiritual walk matures, the effect of sin becomes strangely clearer and more obvious. Being more conscious of sin aids in sinning less, but each and every single one committed seems to pull me apart such a huge distance from His presence. In the past, I didn't recognize His presence, and even if I did, it made little difference to me. But as I grow and I begin to acknowledge His presence, bask in His glory, take shelter in His arms, I grow more and more dependent on Him, and a level of familiarity ensures. Then sin comes, and if I fall, He's suddenly so far away. I don't feel Him anymore, it's almost like He became disappointed and walked away. The feeling can drag on for the whole day, almost putting a limit on the amount of joy I can feel regardless of whatever happens, till I come clean with Him at night. Even then, I can't be sure.

During worship practice, the empty feeling was there. Halfway, when no one was looking, I decided to steal away to the covered side aisle of the sanctuary to ask God what was going on. Worship practice resumed, thankfully much better. Some of the youths went to ice-skate after that, but with the overwhelmingly low feeling, in addition to the already worned out energy level, I decided to stay back in church to practice my singing for the class later.

One of the contemporary hits that I was fooling around with was this song by Howie Day, titled "Collide". A line from the song caught my attention.

I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind.

It stood out strangely, because it was something I identified with. Whenever I was in love (not very often but enough), I found that when my partner tells me that she couldn't stop thinking about me, it is both thrilling and scary. Thrilling because one takes it as evidence that you're in love, and it's always nice to know that someone is thinking of you, so much that it becomes an obsession. Maybe I've been pushing the right buttons; maybe I'm really that attractive; maybe she really loves me after all. But again, it can be really freaky. Not the freaky type like when you've got a stalker, or if someone you don't have any feelings for but who seems to be obsessed with you tells you how he/she feels. It's scary because you reflect and wonder: Why do I deserve to be loved by someone like her?

Of course, there are those egomaniacs who never ponder about these sort of questions (and ironically they seem to be more successful in love, especially guys), but I think for those of us who have been in a balanced relationship would have, one way or another, pondered about this question. Some people shrug it off, finding no need for an explanation, some people try doubly hard to return the perceived level of undeserved affection, and some people break it off because they don't think they'll ever match up.

Then comes the relationship with God. I find that it is mind-blowingly astonishing that He should love and remember someone like me. Someone as useless, sinful, complaining, lazy, plain, foolish and rebellious as myself. But I'm not just on His mind, God even inscribed me on the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). He doesn't just remember me: "Oh Victor? You mean Victor Hui, the guy who stays somewhere in Tanjong Pagar. Yeah I remember him. Nice fellow." Instead, God has engraved me on His own body, close to His heart, where I'm never forgotten.

Lord, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that
You are mindful of him? (Psalms 144:3 NKJV)

WHAT is man, not WHO is man.

When I looked back at this verse, I found nothing in me to stop the torrent of tears that I have been holding back for so long. Oh for so so long.







God finds a need to constantly remind me that love is love simply because no reason is required for it, and thus it carries with it a characteristic: Undeservingness. -Valentino Casanova

What is man that You make so much of him, that you give him so much attention? -Job 7:17

An Emo Psalm

People say that the Psalms cover every single human emotion experienced by mankind. Two days ago, I read Psalms 88, and I chuckled a little. An emo Psalm.

I love the last line.

You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.

Fantastic. Now I'm inclined to think that the word "Selah" probably means instrumental or free worship where the music plays on and people just bask in the presence of God.




I know everything is supposed to be over a long time ago. But my eyes still look out for you whenever I'm in school. Every time I see someone who looks like you from afar or from behind, my heart skips a beat, and time stands still just for a micro-second. How should I approach you? What should I say? How am I to react if you're going to walk away?

For the lack of a satisfactory answer, those questions are never left to rest.

But it is never you. Maybe I haven't really been looking out hard enough. Maybe God keeps you at a distance because He knows very well what could happen if we met. Or maybe He's just waiting for me to have a bad hair day before He allows an encounter to occur.



I think I know what's wrong with me. I make a pretty dysfunctional lover. Which girl wants to be charmed like a princess, seduced like a virgin, spoilt like a child and lavished like a gem, being entirely manipulated into a psychological state in which she can't help but want to give every strand of her being to her man, both physically and emotionally, only to be told by him at the very last minute, "God forbid. We shouldn't be doing this."



I think I'd get pretty pissed if I were the girl too.



How this absolutely contradictory personality formed up is a result of an extremely strange personal history. I'll leave the details for conversational fodder. On a blog dedicated to His glory, stories such as these take up way too much space in one post.

Some people have told me to give up my Casanova or seductive personality. But... I can't. It's ingrained in me, so much so that it has become part of me. Because it grew out of a desire to impress, I believed that if God gave me the strength to suppress or conquer my pride, it would go away. But given any opportunity with a woman, regardless of age, intelligence and beauty, I find myself hopelessly caught up in a matinee of micro-social interaction, be it a waltzing conversation or a tango of contact. Am I gender-biased? Unlikely. I'm even better at generating chemistry with men because no such taboos or fears exist (unless his sexuality is suspect, and I feel that I might be giving the wrong signals). I'm generally better at interacting with guys than girls because I hold back from any intimate relationship with ladies around my age or younger than me. Maybe that's why the aunties from the neighborhood and church love me.

But it makes for a lonelier world, somehow. Sometimes in those short fits of rage or temporary periods of inadequacy, I just want to let lose the beast within. Why bother constraining myself? Is my reputation that important? To whom does it matter if I become a heart-breaker?



Thankfully, there is one more safety lock on the cage that encloses around my monster. The fear of the Lord.

At this point, the emotions that hit me are as described by the psalmist. When God becomes a beast master instead of a pampering lover, then until sanity returns, darkness is my closest friend.





The only difference between insanity and pure genius is success. -Anonymous

Sometimes, it is better to reject success, and choose insanity. -Valentino Casanova

Creep

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out again
She's running out
She runs runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Sometimes, as the lyrics of this song by Radiohead go, I wonder why I try so hard to be special when I don't even belong. I was not created for a world such as this, so why do I labor to make myself so acceptable to people?

And why do you have to be so special to this world? And of all people, why do I have to fall in love with someone like you?




To the eyes of this world, if I'm not a creep or a weirdo, then I don't know who I am.






Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it. -Curtis Judalet

And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. -Anonymous (Hebrews 11:13b-14)

To Ever Love Again

Shifting sands array the night sky
Like stars lost in the middle of the dark
Am I lost in wonder
Or nonchalant to the majesty
That intermittently litters my vision
Only to fade into the ordinariness
A background of melancholy shades

That love should be nothing but a game
That pain should jolt one awake to the end
That faith is a guiding light for those without a map
That hopes are glistering opals in a timeless cave

Sensations? What more could we want?
Emotions? What more could we throw?
Red clouds that bring rain
The morning will come again
But I still live in the night
It's a comfort like nothing else
Alone, all alone, bullied by no one

If I cover my eyes and ears
Maybe... perhaps...
I can have you in my dreams
Just to show you how I've been trying
Trying so hard to improve my smile

Do you fall for every guy who shows a little persistence? Do you sigh for every guy who forgets to reply your letters? Do your eyes glister in want for every guy that flashes a smile your way? Do you give yourself to a wink and a dance?




If it's going to be so easy to win your heart, then you mustn't be the one for me. It just pains me inside to see how many you will fall for before you realize you've been hurt one too many times to ever love again.







According to the laws of economic rationality, a woman will always choose the better man. According to the laws of love, a woman can actually feel that she's not good enough, and choose the weaker man. -Valentino Casanova

There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden. -Solomon (Prov 30:18-19)

Envy and the Loss of Humanity

At times I hear the silence screaming
The mark of death knocking at my door
Save me, I call out. But who hears me?

Do not leave me here, I cry. But who listens?

You came down, picked me up
Cradled me in your arms
Loved me like a child, helpless and small
Who am I that one as beautiful as yourself
Would lift me from the depths
And exalt me above the angels?

That I would dance in your courts
Spinning, twisting, crossing
Dictated by the rhythm of a heart once dead
But revived through the depths of love

Undeserving. Unworthy.

Unashamed.

The psalm of my life right now has to be Psalms 73. My QT material has been a rather rude awakening to my attitude of worthless laments against the wicked who prosper.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. (Psalms 73:2-3)

Anyone who knows me well enough will know that I hold a certain abhorrence for the rich and arrogant. It could well be because some of the most traumatic experiences in my life have to do with them. Envy could have seeped in, though it is probably disguised by disgust and prejudice against them.

But why should I let my foot slip because of this envy? Because I don't trust God to carry out His promises? When I see evil slowly gaining the upper-hand, it's really difficult. Out of love, I don't pray curses against them. To me it's just wrong. But in my heart, what's really going on?

I'm confused. When some things that happen to me really hurt me, I don't feel a thing. I begin asking some of the weirdest questions. Why can't I get angry? I know I should be angry now. Any "normal" person would be. Is it not reasonable for me to feel bitterness? Why am I not feeling it?

Then I realize that in some sense, by cloaking myself with emotional invulnerability, I have lost my humanity.

I've become numb to the pain anyone tries to cause me, because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Forgiving becomes easy, but worthless. Of course you can forgive anyone when it comes at zero emotional cost to you! No one can hurt me when nothing really matters to me, right?

But if I don't hurt, then where has the driving force of my life gone to?




I open the door of my heart, just to peek inside and see how she's doing. A bright light emits forth; she's been doing her duty of shinning the light of life to the world. But where is she? Under a tiny shadow at the corner, she huddles, knees to her chest, head buried.

How can it be, that when the warmth from the light is more than adequate, she is trembling in cold?



They that envy others are their inferiors. -German Proverb

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. -Psalm 25:16

Beauty and the Perfect Christian Lady

School is round the corner and... I kinda feel unprepared for this final lap.

Maybe the internship had me drained out, and I haven't recovered my enthusiasm and energy yet.

Maybe watching my dream of a beach/shopping holiday melt in front of my eyes has left me unfulfilled.

Maybe it's because I haven't been sleeping early recently, especially after reinstalling old games into my laptop that I know I don't really want to play.

Maybe I haven't been preparing my heart and dedicated the next semester to God yet.

Maybe it's a combination of all of them.







I want to write songs. Sing them. Share them with the world.



It's good to see David go for a mission trip, but also sad because he's such a reliable pillar in the worship team. Some dreams like that can take a slight backseat when key personnel disappear.

The Fire Fight has just finished their first full album! I can remember when Nick first introduced the band to me. All of the guys are younger than me, so much more lively, so much showmanship, it was hard not to like. I've linked the website of their new album Henri on my blog. Do listen to their songs if you have the time. One thing I admire about their songs is, coming from different church bands, how they incorporate Christian lyrics discreetly, something like what Switchfoot does. Sound like love songs, but again, not the type that the world knows of. They probably got their chord influences from Electrico with all the 2 chords like C2, F2, D2 etc. My favorite chords, because they have a tinge of melancholy and not too much emo. They make you think of a love lost, a time in the past, hope for a reunification or better days to come. Even the storyline of their album is so cute (obviously targetting the female population) with the theme of a bear trying to save a decadent city from destruction only to have to save himself, a comparison and analogy of our struggle with sin in this life.

But most of all, there is so much focus on beauty, something that in all the world's discussion about the necessities of Christianity, remains forgotten. Jesus, I believe, came to restore God's holiness on Earth by focusing on the beauty of God e.g. the Spirit over the law, the heart over the rituals, quiet submissive obedience over zealous legalism.

Over Coca-Cola, chicken fillets and pasta courtesy of Reynard, some of the Crusade guys gathered for a get-together at his place. And of course, the usual talk about soccer, computer games, school and God filled most of the conversations. Oh, and girls of course. How could I ever leave that out? It's strange, but I remember our conversation being left hanging upon stumbling over a certain "revelation". That there are almost no exceptionally beautiful (inside and outside) Christian girls. My church girls are too few to cause an uproar after reading this, (LOL) but I think the Crusade girls are not going to forgive me for revealing this. But I guess since the Crusade guys did not argue against it, it probably means that they're more or less in agreement or have no opinion. We did agree that there are ALOT of handsome (inside and outside) Christian guys around though. WAHAHAHA!

I have this weird theory that a Christian girl who truly loves God probably doesn't see a need to prim herself or make herself attractive so as to attract guys because she probably believes that God will present the right man to her in His time. If she's exceptionally beautiful (or at least makes a positive effort to present herself as such), she'll probably be snagged by a non-Christian guy before she even establishes the former-mentioned level of faith. Even if not snagged, she'll probably be led out of church, given the number of suitors available who'll court her with so many sweet compliments that before long her life revolves around herself, and God is taken out of the picture before long (pull factor). Or the rest of the jealous church girls will just label her a slut for attracting so many of their men (push factor).

So there. Prove this weird theory wrong.

If it isn't the norm, then men like Billy Graham would not be counted "exceedingly blessed" to have an exceptionally beautiful wife who truly loves God with all her heart. Because they are just so so rare, no?






If it's what they say, that the beauty God truly and only prioritizes is in the heart, then why did He think it worth spending the space of an entire book of the Bible describing in the most vivid and colorful manner the absolute physical beauty of a woman, and at most a few chapters and verses on the heart? -Valentino Casanova

All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. -God (Song of Solomon 4:7)







P.S. By reading Song of Solomon, I've already found a way to topple the weird theory. I'm just interested to know what you all, guy and girls respectively, really think about this. If there is no argument or defence, I'll leave the weird theory to stand. +)

The Pain of Regret

Chris is a friend that I met in Primary school, along with Richard, and later Yaosheng. Being the mischievous little rascals of the top class, we formed a strange bond that grew with many reprimands, punishments, detentions and torn exercise books.

I remember a "Zhou Lao Shi" who taught me Chinese vulgar language the very first day of school. The first words I added to my extremely limited mother tongue vocabulary was "ta ma de" and "huang ba dan". Chris and Richard can still remember the terrible verbal abuse we suffered those days. Ah, the ability of teachers to strike terror and fear into students those days. Students are way too pampered today. During my internship at CHIJ STC, in order to get two female students to put their legs down from the table, I had to make a caustic remark about their leg hair. It worked brilliantly. My own creativity amazes me, but I don't think it'll last too long if it becomes an everyday thing.

Anyway, after PSLE, we all went our different ways. Yaosheng, the ever-brilliant student, went to RI as expected. Richard and myself settled for Catholic High, which wasn't too bad a SEP school, and Chris went to Victoria.

We all turned out pretty well. At least I think so. Till I read Chris' last post.



I've hardly regretted any moment of my life. Not even the broken hearts, soured friendships, fat-boy days and crushed exam slips. But my dear friend here has found out that the last 7 years was a broken waste of his time. He regrets.



For some of you reading this post, I've lost my temper at you pretty often. Nicholas, Jason, RJ, just to name a few. You know why? Because I don't want you to end up like that. In Primary school, all four of us guys, Yaosheng, Chris, Richard and myself; we were the brightest, most charismatic kids. In addition, Yaosheng has determination, Richard has innocence, Chris has wittiness, I have creativity. In terms of results, we weren't always the cream of the crop, but any outside observer would have realized that the 4 of us weren't going to be ordinary people. We were destined for greatness right from the start.

But look what happened. Things change. Sometimes we meet with bad influences, we hit a crossroad, we knock into an obstacle, we backslide. If we don't pick ourselves up, if life loses its meaning, if living loses its flavor, we find that we start to live with regret.


I don't want to live with regret. Nor do I want the people around me to live in regret. I don't want my parents to regret ever having me, so I push myself to be the most dilligent son ever. I don't want my friends to regret knowing me, so I push myself to be the most honest friend they could ever have. I don't want my brothers to regret not coming to me with their problems, so I make sure I'm available if they ever have to talk. I don't want the girls who had once made the decision to love me to ever regret doing so, and so I made an effort to be the ideal boyfriend.

And I haven't look back and regretted anything since. I want my life to be a testimony of how complete obedience to God's commands, taking initiative to please Him, honoring the people who deserve to be honored, and submitting to the authority God has placed (with a measure of discernment according to the Word) can be rewarding.

I don't get irritated by everyone. If I deem someone to be absolutely hopeless save only by the intervention of God, I see no point in losing my cool and investing more than the necessary amount of emotion into the relationship. But for some people, as I see them wasting their life away, a certain ache arises in my heart, and I either become naggy or sarcastic in order to get my point across.

Don't live life with regrets. Make sure at the end of the day, you can look back and say, "If I could do go back into time, I'll do everything the same way that I've had done."


I'm sorry if you're not happy with my recent attitude with you. But let's just say, I don't regret doing what I've been doing. To me, a true friend is one who counsels and corrects in love. I treat it as my loss should I reject someone who notices my faults and points them out to me. Why should I do any less for someone who matters to me?







Hush. Listen. Screw the broken heart within me. Forget the permanent scars in my soul. Don't even bring up the reasons for the tears we shed for one another. If I could love you all over again, I would. And with every inch of my being. -Valentino Casanova

The only things I regret... are the things I didn't do. -Joe Karbo

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. -Paul (2 Cor 7:8-9)

First-time Music

A weekend of wacky things!


Friday night was a great time with old pals from university. And when you're with old friends, they MAKE you do wacky things. Went to a pub for a bottle when I suddenly got "invited" on stage to sing, courtesy of a plot by my buddies. Which makes it my first time singing at a pub. And the song was by MLTR too. Typical karaoke music, haha! Loads of first times huh?


Saturday morning, went to church to do a few recordings with some of the Agape Youth band members. A little amateurish, but it was great fun, albeit tiring. For your information, we only did each song twice: Once to rehearse, and the next one was the recording! (Warning: Can only be done if there's a lot of chemistry and experience among the band members) Well, we get the creme-de-la-creme of the youth band to perform (except for the vocals) and voila! There you got it. Something out of an imagination machine. But how many people can say they have recorded songs anyway. Will probably be expanding our repertoire to add more secular songs with fewer instruments to create a more unplugged, acoustic sound. Andrew and Nick says I've gotta reduce the amount of "emotion" in my singing. Personally I never really liked listening to my own voice. It's just bad quality to me. Sounds nothing like what I hear in my head. Think I'll get a reverb or echo pedal for my voice.



Anyway, do listen and let me know what you think! +)



You are music while the music lasts. -T. S. Elliot

Hear this, you kings! Listen, you rulers! I will sing to the LORD, I will sing; I will make music to the LORD, the God of Israel. -Judges 5:3