I've decided to not just fast, but to eradicate a certain negative lifestyle that has been taking root since the school holidays started: Facebook Applications. You know the type of games that require you to check and update every few minutes? It started with Restaurant City, then moved on to Mousehunt, with Basketball Tycoon being the straw that broke the camel's back. They've been huge distractions pulling me not away from the big, important things that have to be done e.g. work, QT etc., but from the small, important things that have to be done e.g. reading, prayer arrows and reflection. I've decided to give them all up, unless people decide to trade with me something on Restaurant City, or till Ruth catches up with me in Mousehunt (probably take her 3 more months). So there.
Two different agendas, two seemingly unconnected points again. In today's prayer for revival, the leaders are praying for improved family relationships for the youths as a whole, and the senior guys are praying against the sin of lying. No link. Sigh. But prayer anyway.
When I confess my sins every night before bed, a particular sin often crops up on the agenda. It dates way back, even before lust and pride became full-blown sins in my life. It is the sin of lying. I overlook them often because these sins are easily forgotten, often harmless, and sometimes, it makes me feel good. Sometimes, I think it's a self-esteem problem. You exaggerate a little here and there, add a little flair and flavor, and the story-telling goes a little out of hand, breaching the boundary between truth and lie.
We like to look good in front of people. But people don't see us 24/7, so they'll more or less believe whatever we say. Which opens the door for alot of exaggeration and lies to pop though. Worse still, if one suffers from low self-esteem, this problem will only multiply. I kind of figured that out when I was struggling with pride during my JC years. Pride was a beautiful cloak hiding the self-condemnation and low esteem within. But God smashes pride, and I'm ashamed to say that He had to do it more quite a number of times, till it has become more or less shy to manifest itself.
Nowadays, when I am about to exaggerate, and/or slot in a "harmless" lie during my conversations, I hold back my tongue. Nevertheless, one or two will just slip out, and my heart is suddenly convicted painfully, and I'm made so aware of it that the sin resounds in my memory long enough to put it before God at the end of the day.
Pastor Lawrence Seow once said something like this: Sin is like removing stones from a quarry. Once we've cleared the "big" sins, we will still find that there are "smaller" sins underneath, and even after that, even "smaller" sins right at the bottom. The struggle with sin is neverending, because God wants us to know that there is no time in our life when we can ever claim that we did not need God's grace. Even the greatest ministers, preachers, pastors, evangelist, Bible teachers, are all struggling with sin, one kind or another.
Removing pride was an extremely unpleasant and painful lesson. Now God's convicting about lying and exaggeration. And when I peer a little deeper underneath all that, I see small grains of low self-esteem. One by one, Victor. One by one.
Fear. Do not lead me to the test. Please.
The remnant of Israel will do no wrong; they will speak no lies, nor will deceit be found in their mouths. They will eat and lie down and no one will make them afraid. -Zephaniah (3:13)
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