Sweet Innocence

As the final week of internship draws to a close, two competing emotions are manifesting little by little.

I'm totally drained out. Teaching is fun, but relieving classes is bloody tiring. Teachers on MC or leave are making special requests for me to relieve their classes, even though there are two other interns and at least four other contract teachers. From an energetic, lively teacher I'm becoming so tired I can sleep while walking around the class. And yes, I have been having my 7 hours of sleep a day.

Yet I'm going to miss the girls. It's really cute when some of them always call my name whenever I walk past their class, giggle after greeting me on the walkway, or just say repeatedly "He's so hot" behind me while I'm queuing up for brunch during their canteen breaks. (One student even boldly declared that I should be a model. I gently said that it was not going to be anytime soon, and thanked her for the compliment.) Well, I have to admit I make use of the gender difference to my advantage: students whom other teachers find impossible to control become subservient with a small wink; students who argue and retaliate become speechless when I look into their eyes; students who enjoy chatting all the time become red in the face and silent when they realize I'm behind them. It's "evil" I know, but it's an internship after all, and since it gets the students to do their work and thus make the teachers happy, I suppose, why not? As long as I ignore their catcalls and reply their greetings with a smile, the world is a much better place.

But I'm going to miss those girls alright, especially those from the Normal Academic and Normal Technical classes. I appreciate their honesty and forthrightness, despite whatever the other teachers have warned me about them. They are the clearest show of human innocence under siege by the corrupted ways of the world. And losing.



I never thought of myself as innocent or naive, until one of the senior teachers mentioned how strange it was when I told her that I believed in the inherent goodness of everyone, especially the students of the school. Her laughter made me contemplate if that which was within me was really naivety, innocence or ignorance. She said that I haven't seen the potential of maliciousness of the students, or for that matter, the working world yet.

I didn't argue. I have seen much of the maliciousness of this world. But I still believe in the inherent goodness of everyone. It just tears my heart out when people prove me wrong. But usually... no, almost all the time, I still refuse to waver in my belief of the goodness and innocence deep within.






And no, it's not a matter of perspective.







I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water. -Maya Angelou

Within every sinner is a heart longing for holiness. Within every harlot is a lady who can love with a fierce loyalty. That's why I still believe you're innocent. That's why the wound's so deep. -Valentino Casanova